the kids. photos just don't do children justice.
i got a nice glare on this one, kinda whimsical.
the Queen, doing her thing.
my neice. 
oldie of my bro', possibly one of my favorite pics i've taken.
Peace.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Life... In Black & White
Here are some of my more recent photos. I've been photographing with my old school Canon, but i've been trying to save up for the "super-camera". God-willin' the first part of next year i will get it. Then all my people on here about to publish those great works of literature can holla at me about their cover photos.
my neice.
my neice. 
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
No main topic...
"My restlessness is my nemesis,
It's hard to really chill and sit still..."-- Mos Def
Man as of late writing has been on the back burner for real. Although I love to write and read other people's blogs, I find myself getting distracted. I'm sure if I were 20 years younger they would diagnose me we some form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I just finished a course in Photography, so that I can more confidently delve into my love. I've also been working on the spiritual me.
Between those to things and family, my time is sparing. But I can't say I'm sad, or upset about any of it. My plan is one of divinity, so I feel the time will be there to do all things, when all things are to be done.
It's great to see that a few people still check for me in this blogosphere. I appreciate the love.
So what have ya'll been up to. Was this a great year (aside from the fact that we've lived to see most of it) for you. Are you accomplishing any of those "resolutions" that we set for yourselves months ago? Let me know. I'm a lover of conversation, so i invite any an all of it.
Peace.
Needle on the Record
Lyrical injections
collapse veins and attack my cerebral cortex
Biting through tissue, corrupting the soul,
polluting the mind.
Slowly taking control.
Control taken slowly is torturous,
freedom songs travel treacherous pathways
to help me
breath deep like these is last days.
Endorphins escape from self imposed solitude,
and make a break for it.
I am stranded.
hanging by thinly intertwined strings
interwoven thoughts, and ideas, and experiences
cultivated by hand, inspired by gods.
I lie
I lie still.
I still lie.
I still lie in wait for help to come.
collapse veins and attack my cerebral cortex
Biting through tissue, corrupting the soul,
polluting the mind.
Slowly taking control.
Control taken slowly is torturous,
freedom songs travel treacherous pathways
to help me
breath deep like these is last days.
Endorphins escape from self imposed solitude,
and make a break for it.
I am stranded.
hanging by thinly intertwined strings
interwoven thoughts, and ideas, and experiences
cultivated by hand, inspired by gods.
I lie
I lie still.
I still lie.
I still lie in wait for help to come.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself
Allow me to reintroduce myself...
Dang i need to write more. but i think i'm reconsumed by the spirit. not that it ever left me but it was in hibernation. so what's new? nothin' really, just chillin'. how ya'll doin? hopefully everybody is good...
....A Time Before Time....
the wounds that time doesn't heal,
the mind conceals,
using mental treachery and mental telepathy,
convincing like minds that they are like mines.
mines, sharing a field of thought,
ready to erupt when treaded upon.
it reinvents a reality that makes the body a casualty,
a soldier, killed in action, a victim a causality.
the effect of time,
the cause of time,
the beginning of the beginning.
the end of time...
...the mind drops mental bombs,
into the dreams of millions.
Allowing some of those affected to break through glass ceilings,
Allowing some of those affected to drop bombs on little children.
Allowing some of those effected to start spiritual healing.
I Used to Love H.e.r.a.
She flashed her locs.
Flashed them as though she were allowing the Sun God to massage her scalp,
all the while he placed soft kisses over her body,
leaving it bronzed.
Some areas appearing darker in tone than others, as though Ra had an affinity for thighs, breasts, the nape of the neck.
Sun's rays enlightened her mind, and warmed her heart.
Ripening her.
Bringing perfection to fruition in her,
with the blossom of a bosom that inticed many suitors,
eager to taste her nectar.
Dang i need to write more. but i think i'm reconsumed by the spirit. not that it ever left me but it was in hibernation. so what's new? nothin' really, just chillin'. how ya'll doin? hopefully everybody is good...
....A Time Before Time....
the wounds that time doesn't heal,
the mind conceals,
using mental treachery and mental telepathy,
convincing like minds that they are like mines.
mines, sharing a field of thought,
ready to erupt when treaded upon.
it reinvents a reality that makes the body a casualty,
a soldier, killed in action, a victim a causality.
the effect of time,
the cause of time,
the beginning of the beginning.
the end of time...
...the mind drops mental bombs,
into the dreams of millions.
Allowing some of those affected to break through glass ceilings,
Allowing some of those affected to drop bombs on little children.
Allowing some of those effected to start spiritual healing.
I Used to Love H.e.r.a.
She flashed her locs.
Flashed them as though she were allowing the Sun God to massage her scalp,
all the while he placed soft kisses over her body,
leaving it bronzed.
Some areas appearing darker in tone than others, as though Ra had an affinity for thighs, breasts, the nape of the neck.
Sun's rays enlightened her mind, and warmed her heart.
Ripening her.
Bringing perfection to fruition in her,
with the blossom of a bosom that inticed many suitors,
eager to taste her nectar.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
60 words....
I got the inspiration for this story from Ms. Abeni. She did a great job at it, so I thought I'd pass it forward and also attempt this myself.
So all my fellow writers and exciters take up the challenge and let me know what you all create.
Resistance
A Gunshot rang. Crimson tides flowed like magma down the path of least resistance. This path had brought two souls, and one lead projectile together. The ease which the gun came into the victors hand, the tearing through the air, the fabric of the victims shirt and skin and organs, the absence of parental guidance, all walked this same path.
Peace.
Now.... every body do this... i don't wanna have to call names. Peace my pretty people.
So all my fellow writers and exciters take up the challenge and let me know what you all create.
Resistance
A Gunshot rang. Crimson tides flowed like magma down the path of least resistance. This path had brought two souls, and one lead projectile together. The ease which the gun came into the victors hand, the tearing through the air, the fabric of the victims shirt and skin and organs, the absence of parental guidance, all walked this same path.
Peace.
Now.... every body do this... i don't wanna have to call names. Peace my pretty people.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Wheel it back selecta....
This is a replay of my first ever blog post. I felt it was appropriate to rebroadcast it.
Peace
I seem to recall an incident involving the water, racism and people dying before. I can't remember if it was a movie, or a sit-com, or perhaps a PBS special... Hmmmm........Now I remember, it was around 1927 and Jim Crow was still around doing his "thang", you know disenfranchising the Negroes. Well, what seems to have happened was that a bunch of leaders in the Delta area(encompassing the southern Mississippi Valley), realizing that at some point in future they could potentially, which would possibly decimate the city of Greenville, MS, and a lot of the surrounding farm land. Well, these officials decided it would be necessary to take action, and immediately began construction on a series of levees that would safeguard the residence against any natural disasters. Being that this was going to be a large scale project, and very labor intensive, the powers that be felt Negroes would be best suited for the job. You know with their "laziness" and all. So they pulled together all the Negroes they could to handle the job, making them work long hours for little pay. On top of that all those opposing the hard labor practices, and considering leaving, were threatened with force... This is 1927, several years after the Emancipation Proclamation, but I digress.So we have Blacks working on the levee system, for low pay, and the threat of death. We have racism. All we need now is.... A Disaster, correct.In late 1926, early 1927, as Herbert Hoover sat in the White House, rain began to pound the Mid-West states. This was significant, because all the rain would eventually travel down to the Gulf of Mexico, via the Mississippi River. So, as this event began to take shape, residence on the Delta Valley were urged to leave the homes for higher ground. Some did, some didn't, what else is new... But some, couldn't. These people were called "Negroes." Well, what happened was, that some smart white people knowing that after the disaster was over, rebuilding would have to take place. So why let the "lazy" people go, when more than likely they wouldn't come back. So with the threat of force, and maybe killing a few of them just to show you mean it, the Negroes were told to stay.There's a lot more to the story but, there isn't a good ending. Negro = Disenfranchisement, is the moral of the story.And, sure this isn't exactly what happened in Louisiana, but it can give a lot of perspective on the mentality of both racial groups.
Peace
I seem to recall an incident involving the water, racism and people dying before. I can't remember if it was a movie, or a sit-com, or perhaps a PBS special... Hmmmm........Now I remember, it was around 1927 and Jim Crow was still around doing his "thang", you know disenfranchising the Negroes. Well, what seems to have happened was that a bunch of leaders in the Delta area(encompassing the southern Mississippi Valley), realizing that at some point in future they could potentially, which would possibly decimate the city of Greenville, MS, and a lot of the surrounding farm land. Well, these officials decided it would be necessary to take action, and immediately began construction on a series of levees that would safeguard the residence against any natural disasters. Being that this was going to be a large scale project, and very labor intensive, the powers that be felt Negroes would be best suited for the job. You know with their "laziness" and all. So they pulled together all the Negroes they could to handle the job, making them work long hours for little pay. On top of that all those opposing the hard labor practices, and considering leaving, were threatened with force... This is 1927, several years after the Emancipation Proclamation, but I digress.So we have Blacks working on the levee system, for low pay, and the threat of death. We have racism. All we need now is.... A Disaster, correct.In late 1926, early 1927, as Herbert Hoover sat in the White House, rain began to pound the Mid-West states. This was significant, because all the rain would eventually travel down to the Gulf of Mexico, via the Mississippi River. So, as this event began to take shape, residence on the Delta Valley were urged to leave the homes for higher ground. Some did, some didn't, what else is new... But some, couldn't. These people were called "Negroes." Well, what happened was, that some smart white people knowing that after the disaster was over, rebuilding would have to take place. So why let the "lazy" people go, when more than likely they wouldn't come back. So with the threat of force, and maybe killing a few of them just to show you mean it, the Negroes were told to stay.There's a lot more to the story but, there isn't a good ending. Negro = Disenfranchisement, is the moral of the story.And, sure this isn't exactly what happened in Louisiana, but it can give a lot of perspective on the mentality of both racial groups.
Monday, August 21, 2006
3 seconds in a life series...
I decided to write a "3 seconds in the life" poem. Hopefully i can write a series of them.. who know's.
....Suicide Bomber....
Three...
No time to freeze,
only time to breathe,
i feel the stretch of my cotton tee,
as i start to... heave,
then relieve
my body of what it no longer needs.
oxygen.
it's only purpose now is to
feeds the flames,
make the bangs go boom,
seal my fate and seal their doom.
destroy some live, make the news.
the shit is bigger than religion,
i gives a fuck about the Jews.
Two...
i am the means,
i don't need to see the ends
my plans to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
so when this act
brings forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to this population pollution,
while contributing to the eradication
of an education system that
that does little for edification,
and nothing for the black nation.
you will all witness this demolition
of our government through the extradition
of these self-preserving politians,
lining their pockets with our pensions.
One...
but, what about the innocent,
are they guilty through their ignorance?
couldn't i just reach out,
and try to grab their common sense?
then again, fuck their misdirected allegiance,
treating this government
like it deserves reverence.
while we lack relevence.
only given the ghost of freedom
for our lawful adherence, and
showing little resistance
to our powerless existence.
who else will be a soldier for the war of independence
and hold these truths as evidence...?
as i utter my last words...
"Good-bye Mr. President".
Peace
....Suicide Bomber....
Three...
No time to freeze,
only time to breathe,
i feel the stretch of my cotton tee,
as i start to... heave,
then relieve
my body of what it no longer needs.
oxygen.
it's only purpose now is to
feeds the flames,
make the bangs go boom,
seal my fate and seal their doom.
destroy some live, make the news.
the shit is bigger than religion,
i gives a fuck about the Jews.
Two...
i am the means,
i don't need to see the ends
my plans to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
so when this act
brings forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to this population pollution,
while contributing to the eradication
of an education system that
that does little for edification,
and nothing for the black nation.
you will all witness this demolition
of our government through the extradition
of these self-preserving politians,
lining their pockets with our pensions.
One...
but, what about the innocent,
are they guilty through their ignorance?
couldn't i just reach out,
and try to grab their common sense?
then again, fuck their misdirected allegiance,
treating this government
like it deserves reverence.
while we lack relevence.
only given the ghost of freedom
for our lawful adherence, and
showing little resistance
to our powerless existence.
who else will be a soldier for the war of independence
and hold these truths as evidence...?
as i utter my last words...
"Good-bye Mr. President".
Peace
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Fast ForWORD
I have been away from my words for a whil now. Its not so much that i'm not inspired to write, it's more that I haven't need to.
I experience these emotion every other month or two. I guess its my equivilent to the PMS or somethin'.
I decided to post some blasts from the past. These are just a couple of reminders of how far we have come, and how far we need to go. Also reminders on how much some people wanted to see us dead.
And my personal favorite...
Did Ice Cube just say "get your girl in the mood quicker, get your jimmy(penis) thicker..."? Wow and these were on regular TV back in the day.
Peace
I experience these emotion every other month or two. I guess its my equivilent to the PMS or somethin'.
I decided to post some blasts from the past. These are just a couple of reminders of how far we have come, and how far we need to go. Also reminders on how much some people wanted to see us dead.
And my personal favorite...
Did Ice Cube just say "get your girl in the mood quicker, get your jimmy(penis) thicker..."? Wow and these were on regular TV back in the day.
Peace
Thursday, July 20, 2006
It's Like a Narcotic...
I find myself in a moment of reminesence,
on how the drug has affected my whole existence,
an act that didn't recieve any opposition
it set my soul on fire and made me stop, look, and lissen.
Only thing i could do was close my eyes,
and feel how the affect caused a rise,
in my blood pressure,
triggering a head nodding gesture,
a symptom associated with overindulgence,
it was a substance for which i had no defense.
The melodic bass drops increased my minds elevation,
the tap of the treble disrupted my brain cell population,
nausea came from the flow of the lyrics,
the Trinity combined to capture my spirit,
to the point where i can't live unless i here it.
I gotta get it,
Now i got it,
Music... is like a narcotic.
on how the drug has affected my whole existence,
an act that didn't recieve any opposition
it set my soul on fire and made me stop, look, and lissen.
Only thing i could do was close my eyes,
and feel how the affect caused a rise,
in my blood pressure,
triggering a head nodding gesture,
a symptom associated with overindulgence,
it was a substance for which i had no defense.
The melodic bass drops increased my minds elevation,
the tap of the treble disrupted my brain cell population,
nausea came from the flow of the lyrics,
the Trinity combined to capture my spirit,
to the point where i can't live unless i here it.
I gotta get it,
Now i got it,
Music... is like a narcotic.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Verse ONe aka Green Lantern..
Shining the Light into the Darkness.
| Your Power Color Is Lime Green |
 You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?" |
Monday, July 17, 2006
Quick Question...
Out of curiousity, a lot of the folks who's blogs i visit do poetry or short stories. And with the amount of talent that ya'll write with, do any of you worry about creative theft? I would hate for your or my stuff to be jacked by some sucka to claim it as their own.
I do, do the the poor mans copyright, but from what i read it doesn't always hold up in court.
Let me know if ya'll doing anything, or if you worry about.
Peace.
I do, do the the poor mans copyright, but from what i read it doesn't always hold up in court.
Let me know if ya'll doing anything, or if you worry about.
Peace.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Pieces of my Peace
Mean's to an End
I am the means,
I don't need to see the ends.
My purpose is to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
So when my thoughts
bring forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to the population pollution;
while contributing to the eradication
of a system of education
that does little for edification
and nothing for the black nation.
Fin.
The end is "n-here."
I have packed by bags,
and said my goodbye's.
I am not leaving alone,
but I will be going alone.
The cries of my absence will not be heard,
they will not be felt,
they will not be remembered.
Peace
I am the means,
I don't need to see the ends.
My purpose is to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
So when my thoughts
bring forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to the population pollution;
while contributing to the eradication
of a system of education
that does little for edification
and nothing for the black nation.
Fin.
The end is "n-here."
I have packed by bags,
and said my goodbye's.
I am not leaving alone,
but I will be going alone.
The cries of my absence will not be heard,
they will not be felt,
they will not be remembered.
Peace
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
"Closer to my dreams..."
First off... i appreciate all those who were able to respond to my previous post discussing what you would do if you knew you had 24 hours to live. i now know who my real friends are... just jokin.
"Closer".... that's the name of this song by this very powerful singer by the name of Goapele. I only recently discovered her music, but since i found it i've been shouting her out to everyone i know. Her music is very inspiring, and i find it really soothing. In the song Closer she drops lines like:
"Closer".... that's the name of this song by this very powerful singer by the name of Goapele. I only recently discovered her music, but since i found it i've been shouting her out to everyone i know. Her music is very inspiring, and i find it really soothing. In the song Closer she drops lines like:
"Closer to my dreams,
Feel it all over my being,
Close your eyes and see what you believe..."
I tend to search for the metaphysical relationship of the stuff i read,write, or listen to. So when i heard these lines i was instantly affected by them. i saw a need for me to stop looking for my next move and just close my eyes and use my "mind's eye" to guide me. i used to be more in tuned with my surroundings, but in more recent times i got away from trusting myself on alot of things immediately around me. I've gotten better at it lately, hence my desire to write more poetry, which has always been a love of mine.
But yeah, i definitely implore you all to find that which affects and infects your soul with positivity. And if you know what that is... please share, you never know what your words may do for another.
Peace.
Each one teach one...
Monday, June 19, 2006
24 hours....
I was playin this old mix tape i had the other day and it had this old track on it by Mase, called "24 Hours". On it the Lox, DMX, and Mase rap about what they would do with 24 hours left to live.
It made me think of what i would do with my last twenty-four hours, so i decided i'd share it with ya'll just in case it comes to fruition soon.
It made me think of what i would do with my last twenty-four hours, so i decided i'd share it with ya'll just in case it comes to fruition soon.
- I'd print out my blog(s), gather my college journal, and all my poetry, then put them in a folder for my wife and children. I figure they should know as much about who i was as possible.
- write one last blog tellin' everybody, cause i don't want folks coming here asking where i'm at, and why i ain't posted nothin' in a while. plus i'd definitely try and go meet my blogging Muse just for gp.
- Mass email everybody in my "contacts" list an e-invite to my funeral.
- talk to my family and let them know individually how they inspired me, and made me the person i am.
- i'd consider converting to some religion, but i probably wouldn't.
- I probably wouldn't waste time trying to drive around Atlanta catchin' up with people, cause most of my time would be in traffic, so i'd have a good day with the kids (videotaped), and have a real good evening with them missus (also videotaped, hopefully i remember to put in a new tape for this one).
I ain't gonna make this one of those list of people, who i require to post on their blog responses.... but i will make a list of people i'd like to see respond... and you better do it, or suffer the consequences....
Ms. Nikki, My man G, GeorgiaPeace (i mean GeorgiaPeach), Brea, NSanleeSane, Hassan, Abeni, and all the other folk who stop through my little corner of the world wide web.
Let me know if ya'll do it. so i'll be on the lookout.
Peace.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Thursday, June 08, 2006
free...style...love...poem.
i decided to post a poem, but since i didn't want to post some old stuff i figured i'd try and freestyle one.... wish me luck.
i'll make it a love poem...
i want a love that moves me forward.
i want a love that teaches,
reaches,
stretches,
and caresses
me.
i want a love that touches,
clutches,
envelops,
and develops
me.
i want a love,
that shower's me.
shower's me like a summer rain,
both cooling my soul,
and leaving remnants of its presence for all to see.
i want a love,
that empower's me,
emboldens me,
embeds itself in me,
a love that empties me.
i want a love that tells me when it's time to stop, look, and listen...
Peace.
i'll make it a love poem...
i want a love that moves me forward.
i want a love that teaches,
reaches,
stretches,
and caresses
me.
i want a love that touches,
clutches,
envelops,
and develops
me.
i want a love,
that shower's me.
shower's me like a summer rain,
both cooling my soul,
and leaving remnants of its presence for all to see.
i want a love,
that empower's me,
emboldens me,
embeds itself in me,
a love that empties me.
i want a love that tells me when it's time to stop, look, and listen...
Peace.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
"One good thing about music...."
"...when it hits you fell no pain."-- Bob Marley, Trenchtown Rock
As much as I admire and love Bob Marley; As much as I love the relevance and timelessness of his music and message; I'm beginning to see some untruth in this line.
Maybe because Bob recorded Trenchtown Rock in the 70's, years before the "Bling" era of rap music, he probably couldn't find much fault in making such a statement. But, my how times have changed. If there's anything that's causing me pain, it has to be music right now. Music playing on the radio right is killin' my spirit right now, and the fact that my CD player is not working properly, i'm kinda in a position where i either drink the "kool-aid" or die of thirst.
Since i really ain't down with the mass suicide that today's radio is assisting so many people with, I've been getting familiar with some Country Music.
Quick side note.... did ya'll know there is a country song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"?? Dang, even country music is jackin' hiphop culture!
So I decided to list just a few of the most euthanising songs i've heard:
1. One of the worst is this song called Give me that Pussy (*excuse the language*). With lyrics like--
"...She might go back to the telly(hotel) with me,
Shake her jelly(body) with me,
Let my people bust(ejaculate) on her face and her belly with me..."
and, a chorus that tells women to "Give me that Pussy...", I can see how this can be considered radio friendly.
2. Next, is Gettin' Some Head. Now this song is not nearly as offensive as Give me that Pussy, but it's damn near close. It really just shows us how far backwards music as gone. I remember a time when this song wouldn't get played on the radio because of censorship, or if it was played, it was at the ass-crack of night. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised to hear some high school band playing this at a football game.
3. Any of the songs that are out, or have been out recently glorifying the "Trap" life. The Trap is new slang for the hood or any drug-ridden, impoverished area. It originates out of the South, but i've heard my homeboy see people in Boston rock t-shirts with "TrapStar" written across them. I really hate the over glorification of criminal behavior that we seem to be constantly bombarding ourselves with. Isn't it bad enough that we call it the "trap"? Doesn't that signify something greater than a neighborhood? Maybe a "rat-trap", or a "mental-trap", and possibly even a "boobie-trap"... in other words, traps are cannot be a good place to be. Because you are then at the will of the "trapper".
As much as I admire and love Bob Marley; As much as I love the relevance and timelessness of his music and message; I'm beginning to see some untruth in this line.
Maybe because Bob recorded Trenchtown Rock in the 70's, years before the "Bling" era of rap music, he probably couldn't find much fault in making such a statement. But, my how times have changed. If there's anything that's causing me pain, it has to be music right now. Music playing on the radio right is killin' my spirit right now, and the fact that my CD player is not working properly, i'm kinda in a position where i either drink the "kool-aid" or die of thirst.
Since i really ain't down with the mass suicide that today's radio is assisting so many people with, I've been getting familiar with some Country Music.
Quick side note.... did ya'll know there is a country song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"?? Dang, even country music is jackin' hiphop culture!
So I decided to list just a few of the most euthanising songs i've heard:
1. One of the worst is this song called Give me that Pussy (*excuse the language*). With lyrics like--
"...She might go back to the telly(hotel) with me,
Shake her jelly(body) with me,
Let my people bust(ejaculate) on her face and her belly with me..."
and, a chorus that tells women to "Give me that Pussy...", I can see how this can be considered radio friendly.
2. Next, is Gettin' Some Head. Now this song is not nearly as offensive as Give me that Pussy, but it's damn near close. It really just shows us how far backwards music as gone. I remember a time when this song wouldn't get played on the radio because of censorship, or if it was played, it was at the ass-crack of night. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised to hear some high school band playing this at a football game.
3. Any of the songs that are out, or have been out recently glorifying the "Trap" life. The Trap is new slang for the hood or any drug-ridden, impoverished area. It originates out of the South, but i've heard my homeboy see people in Boston rock t-shirts with "TrapStar" written across them. I really hate the over glorification of criminal behavior that we seem to be constantly bombarding ourselves with. Isn't it bad enough that we call it the "trap"? Doesn't that signify something greater than a neighborhood? Maybe a "rat-trap", or a "mental-trap", and possibly even a "boobie-trap"... in other words, traps are cannot be a good place to be. Because you are then at the will of the "trapper".
Maybe i can't hold it against Brother Bob's famous lyrics, i mean may be it's a logic problem. Music does not cause pain. Some rap causes pain. Some rap is not music. Makes sense to me.
That's it for now. I'm sorry to realize that all the selected material for this post was formulated from the minds of the South. I'm am sure every region plays a part in this spreading of this self-inflicting-mind-deteriorating-culturally-genocidal epidemic, but since this is where i'm at, i have to talk what i know and what i hear.
Peace.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
"I wasn't supposed to make it past twenty-five,..."
"...jokes on you I'm Still Alive,..." --Kanye West (We Don't Care)
I've been on this planet in the "physical" form, now, for 28 years... And guess what? I ain't dead yet! That's right. I know i don't blog that often, so some might consider me dead at times, but low and behold, I return.
Aside from actually being here today, here are a few more accomplishments I can be proud to exclaim:
I've been on this planet in the "physical" form, now, for 28 years... And guess what? I ain't dead yet! That's right. I know i don't blog that often, so some might consider me dead at times, but low and behold, I return.
Aside from actually being here today, here are a few more accomplishments I can be proud to exclaim:
- I haven't been convicted of a felony, yet. This one was easy. But i'm sure most of us know the alarming number of black male's sitting behind bars. I mean, black men make up 12% of the population, but amass 44% of those incarcerated in this country, so I'm happy to have been able to escape that path for this long. I know that their are lots of statistics that contribute to these number's, but yet and still, i have thus far been able to steer clear of this one.
- I ain't dead yet. I remember in the late 80's and early 90's statistics saying that 2 in 10 Black children won't make it to the ripe ol' age of 25. As a 13 year old kid, that shit damn near blew me away. I started counting my friends, and wondering which of us wasn't gonna make it. It wasn't til later that statistics aren't always national, sometimes it only applies to a certain region. I can see why some of my friends went to do crimes and get real wreckless, because if you only got 10 years left, might as well enjoy that shit.
- I actually have a job. With the employment rate for Black men nearly triple than that of their white counterparts, and the quick and mostly ridiculous media reports assumptions, i can kinda understand why Black boys don't have a clue what to do with thier lives. I think i was lucky to have people in my life who could tell me about all types of careers to follow. But to many, thiers nobody they can see or interact with who's an Engineer, or a Pharmacist, or a AstroPhysicist. So if you don't see it, how can you be it? Thus the reason for the love of wanting to be an athlete or a rapper.
So in conclusion... there is much for me to be happy for at the young-old-age of 28... i mean 29.. dang i gotta get used to that number.
***Oh yeah i'd like to thank all the staticians out there for depressing Black people for all these years!!!
Peace.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Go Me... it's your birthday.... i'm gonna party....
Cuz it's my birthday... and you know you should give eff, cuz it's my birthday!!!!
Well that's the official song for next Tuesday. I might not get many blogs done between now and then, so I figure now was a good time to get it done.
But if you're yearning for some of my writings, i implore you to check my older stuff. I think i have a lot of untouched posts on this site so please check me out.
I also would appreciate conversation about anything i've written so IM (instant message) me or drop a line somewhere.
Peace my people, and party safe and what not this weekend.
Peace
Well that's the official song for next Tuesday. I might not get many blogs done between now and then, so I figure now was a good time to get it done.
But if you're yearning for some of my writings, i implore you to check my older stuff. I think i have a lot of untouched posts on this site so please check me out.
I also would appreciate conversation about anything i've written so IM (instant message) me or drop a line somewhere.
Peace my people, and party safe and what not this weekend.
Peace
"One good thing about music,..."
"...when it hits you fell no pain."-- Bob Marley, Trenchtown Rock
As much as I admire and love Bob Marley; As much as I love the relevance and timelessness of his music and message; I'm beginning to see some untruth in this line.
Maybe because Bob recorded Trenchtown Rock in the 70's, years before the "Bling" era of rap music, he probably couldn't find much fault in making such a statement. But, my how times have changed. If there's anything that's causing me pain, it has to be music right now. Music playing on the radio right is killin' my spirit right now, and the fact that my CD player is not working properly, i'm kinda in a position where i either drink the "kool-aid" or die of thirst.
Since i really ain't down with the mass suicide that today's radio is assisting so many people with, I've been getting familiar with some Country Music.
Quick side note.... did ya'll know there is a country song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"?? Dang, even country music is jackin' hiphop culture!
So I decided to list just a few of the most euthanising songs i've heard:
1. One of the worst is this song called Give me that Pussy (*excuse the language*). With lyrics like--
"...She might go back to the telly(hotel) with me,
Shake her jelly(body) with me,
Let my people bust(ejaculate) on her face and her belly with me..."
and, a chorus that tells women to "Give me that Pussy...", I can see how this can be considered radio friendly.
2. Next, is Gettin' Some Head. Now this song is not nearly as offensive as Give me that Pussy, but it's damn near close. It really just shows us how far backwards music as gone. I remember a time when this song wouldn't get played on the radio because of censorship, or if it was played, it was at the ass-crack of night. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised to hear some high school band playing this at a football game.
3. Any of the songs that are out, or have been out recently glorifying the "Trap" life. The Trap is new slang for the hood or any drug-ridden, impoverished area. It originates out of the South, but i've heard my homeboy see people in Boston rock t-shirts with "TrapStar" written across them. I really hate the over glorification of criminal behavior that we seem to be constantly bombarding ourselves with. Isn't it bad enough that we call it the "trap"? Doesn't that signify something greater than a neighborhood? Maybe a "rat-trap", or a "mental-trap", and possibly even a "boobie-trap"... in other words, traps are cannot be a good place to be. Because you are then at the will of the "trapper".
As much as I admire and love Bob Marley; As much as I love the relevance and timelessness of his music and message; I'm beginning to see some untruth in this line.
Maybe because Bob recorded Trenchtown Rock in the 70's, years before the "Bling" era of rap music, he probably couldn't find much fault in making such a statement. But, my how times have changed. If there's anything that's causing me pain, it has to be music right now. Music playing on the radio right is killin' my spirit right now, and the fact that my CD player is not working properly, i'm kinda in a position where i either drink the "kool-aid" or die of thirst.
Since i really ain't down with the mass suicide that today's radio is assisting so many people with, I've been getting familiar with some Country Music.
Quick side note.... did ya'll know there is a country song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"?? Dang, even country music is jackin' hiphop culture!
So I decided to list just a few of the most euthanising songs i've heard:
1. One of the worst is this song called Give me that Pussy (*excuse the language*). With lyrics like--
"...She might go back to the telly(hotel) with me,
Shake her jelly(body) with me,
Let my people bust(ejaculate) on her face and her belly with me..."
and, a chorus that tells women to "Give me that Pussy...", I can see how this can be considered radio friendly.
2. Next, is Gettin' Some Head. Now this song is not nearly as offensive as Give me that Pussy, but it's damn near close. It really just shows us how far backwards music as gone. I remember a time when this song wouldn't get played on the radio because of censorship, or if it was played, it was at the ass-crack of night. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised to hear some high school band playing this at a football game.
3. Any of the songs that are out, or have been out recently glorifying the "Trap" life. The Trap is new slang for the hood or any drug-ridden, impoverished area. It originates out of the South, but i've heard my homeboy see people in Boston rock t-shirts with "TrapStar" written across them. I really hate the over glorification of criminal behavior that we seem to be constantly bombarding ourselves with. Isn't it bad enough that we call it the "trap"? Doesn't that signify something greater than a neighborhood? Maybe a "rat-trap", or a "mental-trap", and possibly even a "boobie-trap"... in other words, traps are cannot be a good place to be. Because you are then at the will of the "trapper".
Maybe i can't hold it against Brother Bob's famous lyrics, i mean may be it's a logic problem. Music does not cause pain. Some rap causes pain. Some rap is not music. Makes sense to me.
That's it for now. I'm sorry to realize that all the selected material for this post was formulated from the minds of the South. I'm am sure every region plays a part in this spreading of this self-inflicting-mind-deteriorating-culturally-genocidal epidemic, but since this is where i'm at, i have to talk what i know and what i hear.
Peace.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Peace Brother Malcolm 1925-1965
I can't let this day go buy without having posted atleast one message commemorating the birthday of Brother Malcolm Shabazz. He is one of my few mentors and has meant a lot to me.
So Peace. Here are some links to information on him, I definitely implore you all to spend a few minutes honoring his memory by reading or listening to one of his many speeches. His messages are so relevant today that it's not even funny.
Peace!!!!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
I am Man, Hear me Roar...
Ya' know, sometimes I even amaze myself. I mean, i know i am a bright, attractive, and very gifted man, but I always seem to find out something new and great about me. I know what some of ya'll might be saying, "he's a cocky little guy, ain't he?", and i respond to that by saying, "if i don't say i'm the greatest, who will?".
You may ask, "what fumes has Verse been sniffin' on today?" Well i haven't been sniffin many fumes but i did have to some over the past 4 days. It all started on Thursday, when on my way to work i noticed a very noticeable "check engine" light on my car on my way to work. This wasn't good. So when i got to work i read in my car book, and found some cause for the potential wallet threatening warning. After doing some investigation, I summized that it must be a battery problem. So i decided to go to the dealership and have them run a check on my system and give me an estimate of how many children it's gonna cost me to get it fixed.
They come back in short order, and matter-of-factly, without any hint of remorse or regret, say...."it'll be about $980 to repair the car". What tha Fuck? $980! Damn! Damn these foreign cars...
Things I can do with $980:
-Buy daughter 3300 diapers, which would last about a week.
-Buy me the new XBox360 and 1 game.
-Buy my son 2 days at Disney, and maybe a soda there.
-Buy wifey a baby sitter so she can get a break.
So after i told them to just bring my car around and drove away, i did what i always do when my car is acting funny, i called my Dad. Since he's an mechanic, i figured he could best tell me what i should and could do on my own. After scoffing at the cost to repair, he then offered me the encouragement to do the work myself. I immediately began calling autopart stores in search of the best deal on the part i needed. I eventually found it for a cost of 180 bucks. So i ordered the part on Friday, and picked i up this past monday.
I used a couple of my paid days off and worked on it and completed the project yesterday evening. All in all i am happy, and i was able to drive it to work today, so i know it's working.
new part for your car....... $203
miscellaneous cost of working on it myself...... $62.00
having saved over $700, and being able to reaffirm my manhood....... priceless.
Peace.
You may ask, "what fumes has Verse been sniffin' on today?" Well i haven't been sniffin many fumes but i did have to some over the past 4 days. It all started on Thursday, when on my way to work i noticed a very noticeable "check engine" light on my car on my way to work. This wasn't good. So when i got to work i read in my car book, and found some cause for the potential wallet threatening warning. After doing some investigation, I summized that it must be a battery problem. So i decided to go to the dealership and have them run a check on my system and give me an estimate of how many children it's gonna cost me to get it fixed.
They come back in short order, and matter-of-factly, without any hint of remorse or regret, say...."it'll be about $980 to repair the car". What tha Fuck? $980! Damn! Damn these foreign cars...
Things I can do with $980:
-Buy daughter 3300 diapers, which would last about a week.
-Buy me the new XBox360 and 1 game.
-Buy my son 2 days at Disney, and maybe a soda there.
-Buy wifey a baby sitter so she can get a break.
So after i told them to just bring my car around and drove away, i did what i always do when my car is acting funny, i called my Dad. Since he's an mechanic, i figured he could best tell me what i should and could do on my own. After scoffing at the cost to repair, he then offered me the encouragement to do the work myself. I immediately began calling autopart stores in search of the best deal on the part i needed. I eventually found it for a cost of 180 bucks. So i ordered the part on Friday, and picked i up this past monday.
I used a couple of my paid days off and worked on it and completed the project yesterday evening. All in all i am happy, and i was able to drive it to work today, so i know it's working.
new part for your car....... $203
miscellaneous cost of working on it myself...... $62.00
having saved over $700, and being able to reaffirm my manhood....... priceless.
Peace.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
4 things and First Year Lists
I have once again succumb to the wishes of another blogger and completed this "list". i hope you all take this info down, and use it to get credit cards in my name.
YOUR FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE.....
School: Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University located in Tallahassee, Florida.
Where did you live? Sampson—3rd Floor. P phi P (playa phi pimp) ran things that year.
Who was/were your roommate(s)? My man Jake from the Chi. I don’t think dude woulda made it through that year if not for all the goodies my Mom’s sent down.
Do you still talk to them? Nah. He moved back to the Chi. I think he coaches basketball up there.
Ever get in trouble in the dorms? nope, I knew how to run.
Something you remember about when you first lived on campus? playing dominoes all day. Ordering $5 pizza from this place called Backyard Pizza, and I could swear they made it in their backyard. Chillin’ on the “Set”. And going to the Biggie concert for free.
Your campus phone number or other number:who remembers that? Unless you’re a sophmore.
First party attended? It was at Diamonds n’ Pearls (DNP) it was off the chain, plus it was down the street from the school.
First Bar you got wasted at? Never drank in college.
Favorite Pizza Place? ”dominos. actually, the drivers weren't getting robbed until my class got there, then all hell broke loose. we were some fucking thugs for real.”—Nikki
Thanks to Nikki’s class Domino’s wouldn’t deliver when I got there. So BackYard pizza was the lick.
Favorite place to go out to eat? Guthries. The place had 5 things on the menu. Chicken finger box, Chicken finger sandwich, Toast, Drink, and maybe a salad.
Did you go to the library? all of the time. We weren’t allowed to have chicks in the room, so you had to take them somewhere. Get you one of the hidden “study” rooms and you were straight.
What was your Favorite Floor you'd always be on? Third Floor. Ya’ll betta recognize.
Club, Athletics, Frat or Sororities, you joined? P phi P. and Me Phi Me
Where did you buy your books? Books???
Who made the best wings? Don’t know.
Ever attend a sporting event? no doubt. It was FAMU, home of Mighty Hundred.
Ever attend a concert or comedic performance? Biggie Smalls was the illest. I saw Sommore (comedian) Earthquake, etc.
Have you ever spent the night on campus not in your dorm hall? Nah. i wasn't gonna get sent home over no chick.
Favorite night to go out on, and where did you go? Wednesday for Wicked Wednesday, also Thursday thru Tuesday as well. And I still banged out good grades freshman year…. What!
Where did you get your coffee? Don’t drink the stuff.
Favorite part of Halloween? ”what kind of fucking question is this? no really...what the fuck this gotta do with the list as a whole?”---Nikki
Ditto.
Go see a play or been in one? I saw one or two. The Three Mo’ Tenors.
Did you ever have a job at school? Yep. I worked at the car wash place down the street from the school. I did that for about a week. Worked at a gas station for two years.
What do you hate about your college? Not getting my Net Check on time. Don’t play with my money…
What did you love most about it? People I met. Life Education I got. Baby I made. Wife I found.
Ever leave to go on a road trip, where? All the time. Miami, Atlanta, Orlando, Gainesville, Panama City, J-Ville.
Where would you believe is the best location to live in? Palmetto Apartments. Atleast chicks could come in to your spot. Though they couldn’t come in your room… wtf?
Graduated or still attending? Graduated. FAMU…FAMU… FAM God damn U, alright, alright.
Will you go back? one day. Probably when my kids attend.
How many parking tickets have you gotten there? I left there with $800 dollars in fines, but they never made me pay them. I was only in that handicapped spot for ten minutes. Give me a break!
Finally, ever gotten arrested? Nope.
_________________________________
FOUR THINGS
Four nicknames I've been given: I never had one…. Damn. Nobody like me enough.
Four movies I would watch over and over: Friday, Belly (first 5 minutes), Paid in Full, Carlito’s Way.
Four jobs that I have had in my life:
1. Chinese Restaurant (cut veggies all day)
2. tutor/teaching assistant
3. grocery bagger
4. On-site Government Representative to Contracting Officer aka baby sitter.
Four places I have lived: England, tallahassee, Germany, atlanta
Four TV shows I like to watch: My Name is Earl, BoonDocks, The Office, Everybody Hates Chris
Four places I have been on vacation: New Orleans, Netherlands, d.c., my momma house
Four things I could NOT live without: my music, my children, my functioning brain, and my camera. I had “my penis", but I opted for camera, afterall I do have children already listed.
Four of my favorite foods: oven baked macaroni, taco’s , cheesecake, fried catfish.
Four places I would rather be right now: at home with the FAM, reading (cause I’m supposed to be), taking pictures, playing in the rain like I used to when I was a kid.
Peace Out.
Let me know if you get that Credit card. Cause i might need you to get me something with it.
Peace.
YOUR FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE.....
School: Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University located in Tallahassee, Florida.
Where did you live? Sampson—3rd Floor. P phi P (playa phi pimp) ran things that year.
Who was/were your roommate(s)? My man Jake from the Chi. I don’t think dude woulda made it through that year if not for all the goodies my Mom’s sent down.
Do you still talk to them? Nah. He moved back to the Chi. I think he coaches basketball up there.
Ever get in trouble in the dorms? nope, I knew how to run.
Something you remember about when you first lived on campus? playing dominoes all day. Ordering $5 pizza from this place called Backyard Pizza, and I could swear they made it in their backyard. Chillin’ on the “Set”. And going to the Biggie concert for free.
Your campus phone number or other number:who remembers that? Unless you’re a sophmore.
First party attended? It was at Diamonds n’ Pearls (DNP) it was off the chain, plus it was down the street from the school.
First Bar you got wasted at? Never drank in college.
Favorite Pizza Place? ”dominos. actually, the drivers weren't getting robbed until my class got there, then all hell broke loose. we were some fucking thugs for real.”—Nikki
Thanks to Nikki’s class Domino’s wouldn’t deliver when I got there. So BackYard pizza was the lick.
Favorite place to go out to eat? Guthries. The place had 5 things on the menu. Chicken finger box, Chicken finger sandwich, Toast, Drink, and maybe a salad.
Did you go to the library? all of the time. We weren’t allowed to have chicks in the room, so you had to take them somewhere. Get you one of the hidden “study” rooms and you were straight.
What was your Favorite Floor you'd always be on? Third Floor. Ya’ll betta recognize.
Club, Athletics, Frat or Sororities, you joined? P phi P. and Me Phi Me
Where did you buy your books? Books???
Who made the best wings? Don’t know.
Ever attend a sporting event? no doubt. It was FAMU, home of Mighty Hundred.
Ever attend a concert or comedic performance? Biggie Smalls was the illest. I saw Sommore (comedian) Earthquake, etc.
Have you ever spent the night on campus not in your dorm hall? Nah. i wasn't gonna get sent home over no chick.
Favorite night to go out on, and where did you go? Wednesday for Wicked Wednesday, also Thursday thru Tuesday as well. And I still banged out good grades freshman year…. What!
Where did you get your coffee? Don’t drink the stuff.
Favorite part of Halloween? ”what kind of fucking question is this? no really...what the fuck this gotta do with the list as a whole?”---Nikki
Ditto.
Go see a play or been in one? I saw one or two. The Three Mo’ Tenors.
Did you ever have a job at school? Yep. I worked at the car wash place down the street from the school. I did that for about a week. Worked at a gas station for two years.
What do you hate about your college? Not getting my Net Check on time. Don’t play with my money…
What did you love most about it? People I met. Life Education I got. Baby I made. Wife I found.
Ever leave to go on a road trip, where? All the time. Miami, Atlanta, Orlando, Gainesville, Panama City, J-Ville.
Where would you believe is the best location to live in? Palmetto Apartments. Atleast chicks could come in to your spot. Though they couldn’t come in your room… wtf?
Graduated or still attending? Graduated. FAMU…FAMU… FAM God damn U, alright, alright.
Will you go back? one day. Probably when my kids attend.
How many parking tickets have you gotten there? I left there with $800 dollars in fines, but they never made me pay them. I was only in that handicapped spot for ten minutes. Give me a break!
Finally, ever gotten arrested? Nope.
_________________________________
FOUR THINGS
Four nicknames I've been given: I never had one…. Damn. Nobody like me enough.
Four movies I would watch over and over: Friday, Belly (first 5 minutes), Paid in Full, Carlito’s Way.
Four jobs that I have had in my life:
1. Chinese Restaurant (cut veggies all day)
2. tutor/teaching assistant
3. grocery bagger
4. On-site Government Representative to Contracting Officer aka baby sitter.
Four places I have lived: England, tallahassee, Germany, atlanta
Four TV shows I like to watch: My Name is Earl, BoonDocks, The Office, Everybody Hates Chris
Four places I have been on vacation: New Orleans, Netherlands, d.c., my momma house
Four things I could NOT live without: my music, my children, my functioning brain, and my camera. I had “my penis", but I opted for camera, afterall I do have children already listed.
Four of my favorite foods: oven baked macaroni, taco’s , cheesecake, fried catfish.
Four places I would rather be right now: at home with the FAM, reading (cause I’m supposed to be), taking pictures, playing in the rain like I used to when I was a kid.
Peace Out.
Let me know if you get that Credit card. Cause i might need you to get me something with it.
Peace.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Wednesday
It was one of those Wednesdays, not the type that makes you wish it was the following Friday, but the type that made you yearn for the previous Monday. Because, if it were Monday the memories of the past few hours probably would have never existed.
It was getting late, and the darkness began to bleed onto the off-white colored walls, and furniture of the modestly decorated studio apartment. Shadows were being splattered across the picture frames that hung around the room. A murderous silence had engulfed the space.
He hadn’t moved from the Rent-a-Center branded, vinyl covered, metal framed chair in hours. It was obviously the most uncomfortable chair he owned, and although it made him squirm occasionally, he stayed there. The comforting he wanted would not be satisfied by any inanimate object, let alone a chair.
Maybe the chair was a, sort of, self imposed punishment, forcing him to recollect.
It was the 7:00 a.m. intolerable beeps of the alarm clock that had changed everything. Actually the clock is only partially to blame; most of it belonged to his subconscious mind. The part of his brain that had republished the repressed memories of “her". He had dreams of Nina in the past, but none played as prominently in his mind as this one had. This one had challenged him to accept something, which he didn’t want to believe.
Blind faith had always been a hindrance in Akil’s life. From politics and UFO’s, to religion and Love, Akil never believed anything until it was proven, and observed. And if he couldn’t witness it, then it didn’t exist. This was one aspect of his life that Nina had created a hiccup in; with the idea that some things come from a sense of knowing and feeling. Knowing that not all things’ can be revealed with an abacus and a chalk board, and feeling, a movement, internally towards something or somebody.
He appreciated and detested her for that.
He appreciated that she had been willing to challenge his philosophy. But he had a certain level of disdain for her, one, for the fact that she had been fairly successful in proving it. And, two, for where and what she had brought him through. For, Akil wouldn’t be sitting in this chair, on this Wednesday, watching the bloody shadows run down the faces on the pictures in his home, if not for Nina. It was her absence that had created the memories, that he had to suppress, that had permeated into and stained his consciousness at 7:00 a.m. this morning, which had forced him to punish himself by sitting in the worst seat in his home; contemplating her absence.
She had brought him to this point. Her selfishness. Leaving without reason, without speaking, without him, never to be seen again.
Reports said that her remains were found, and that she had taken her own life. That she had chosen to condemn her Soul to a fate worst than Hell. To the purgutorious world that held captive to those Soul’s that didn’t deserve the peace that Hell had to offer.
Akil couldn’t believe what he heard. Not that it shocked him, but the fact that Nina no longer existed. He had avoided all possible chances to view the remains of what was said to be her two-year old dead body. He believed that if he did not observe her death, nor saw proof, it couldn’t be true. That ideology had worked so many times before in his life. It had comforted him.
But now he was uncomfortable. He sat in his cheap, vinyl covered barstool, in total darkness, looking towards the pictures that hung on the wall. Even though he could not visibly see them, he knew they were there. He knew from a sense of knowing, and felt from a, sort of, internal movement that they were there, and that Nina was not.
He detested her for filling his head with such invalidatible theories of knowing and feeling.
Because if not for Nina, Akil wouldn’t be looking at the pictures hanging on his wall, and watching the blood and the shadows slowly engulf his space. He wouldn’t be sitting there, uncomfortably waiting to join Nina in that Hell greater than Hell.
Peace.
It was getting late, and the darkness began to bleed onto the off-white colored walls, and furniture of the modestly decorated studio apartment. Shadows were being splattered across the picture frames that hung around the room. A murderous silence had engulfed the space.
He hadn’t moved from the Rent-a-Center branded, vinyl covered, metal framed chair in hours. It was obviously the most uncomfortable chair he owned, and although it made him squirm occasionally, he stayed there. The comforting he wanted would not be satisfied by any inanimate object, let alone a chair.
Maybe the chair was a, sort of, self imposed punishment, forcing him to recollect.
It was the 7:00 a.m. intolerable beeps of the alarm clock that had changed everything. Actually the clock is only partially to blame; most of it belonged to his subconscious mind. The part of his brain that had republished the repressed memories of “her". He had dreams of Nina in the past, but none played as prominently in his mind as this one had. This one had challenged him to accept something, which he didn’t want to believe.
Blind faith had always been a hindrance in Akil’s life. From politics and UFO’s, to religion and Love, Akil never believed anything until it was proven, and observed. And if he couldn’t witness it, then it didn’t exist. This was one aspect of his life that Nina had created a hiccup in; with the idea that some things come from a sense of knowing and feeling. Knowing that not all things’ can be revealed with an abacus and a chalk board, and feeling, a movement, internally towards something or somebody.
He appreciated and detested her for that.
He appreciated that she had been willing to challenge his philosophy. But he had a certain level of disdain for her, one, for the fact that she had been fairly successful in proving it. And, two, for where and what she had brought him through. For, Akil wouldn’t be sitting in this chair, on this Wednesday, watching the bloody shadows run down the faces on the pictures in his home, if not for Nina. It was her absence that had created the memories, that he had to suppress, that had permeated into and stained his consciousness at 7:00 a.m. this morning, which had forced him to punish himself by sitting in the worst seat in his home; contemplating her absence.
She had brought him to this point. Her selfishness. Leaving without reason, without speaking, without him, never to be seen again.
Reports said that her remains were found, and that she had taken her own life. That she had chosen to condemn her Soul to a fate worst than Hell. To the purgutorious world that held captive to those Soul’s that didn’t deserve the peace that Hell had to offer.
Akil couldn’t believe what he heard. Not that it shocked him, but the fact that Nina no longer existed. He had avoided all possible chances to view the remains of what was said to be her two-year old dead body. He believed that if he did not observe her death, nor saw proof, it couldn’t be true. That ideology had worked so many times before in his life. It had comforted him.
But now he was uncomfortable. He sat in his cheap, vinyl covered barstool, in total darkness, looking towards the pictures that hung on the wall. Even though he could not visibly see them, he knew they were there. He knew from a sense of knowing, and felt from a, sort of, internal movement that they were there, and that Nina was not.
He detested her for filling his head with such invalidatible theories of knowing and feeling.
Because if not for Nina, Akil wouldn’t be looking at the pictures hanging on his wall, and watching the blood and the shadows slowly engulf his space. He wouldn’t be sitting there, uncomfortably waiting to join Nina in that Hell greater than Hell.
Peace.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Get on the Train.
It's really been a minute since i've blogged or even read blogs. The train of life seems to be larger and faster than my train of thought lately. i've been encountering new horizons at every turn, whether it's at home, with my other people's, or at work.
before i continue, i emplore ya'll to check this site NeosoulCafe.com it is definitely playing some good music. Soul music. Why is it only black artist seem to be able to produce soul music? what, white folk are soulless? hmmm...
Anyways. I heard today in reports that American Movie Classic (AMC) channel broadcasted the movie, Birth of a Nation, last night. In Atlanta one of the morning show host, was upset about its showing, and the portrayal of Black folks in the movie. it cast a deeply disparaging view of an America where "we" are allowed to be free. We rape white women, are shiftless, lazy, good for nothings. We are considered renegades... until the Mighty KKKlan arrives on the scene to tame the "wild beasts".
So i listen to this radio host knocking the broadcast of such a vile piece, in todays modern era. How this movie can affect race relations, and the like.
Then i say to myself... i coulda swore this was the same host i hear playing self-denegrating music on the radio, and in the clubs he deejays. the same host i called once before because their morning local school "shout out" list aired adjacent to a Captain Morgans/Alcoholic Kool-Aid commercial. The hypocrisy is running rampant, and the number of messages we are sending to the youth, and the adults are ridiculous. And the message that usually gets heard, is the one with a finger snap on the track, or the one with Lil' Jon screamin' on it, or the one that has the catchy hook, the hook that is geared towards pre-schoolers.
We sometimes shout at the blatant signs of racism, but do little about the more subversive acts of it. Why?
Do we really think we have the power if "we" are the ones calling ourselves lazy, whoremongering, irresponsible people? i guess as long as it ain't nobody but us doing it, it's okay.
Peace.
before i continue, i emplore ya'll to check this site NeosoulCafe.com it is definitely playing some good music. Soul music. Why is it only black artist seem to be able to produce soul music? what, white folk are soulless? hmmm...
Anyways. I heard today in reports that American Movie Classic (AMC) channel broadcasted the movie, Birth of a Nation, last night. In Atlanta one of the morning show host, was upset about its showing, and the portrayal of Black folks in the movie. it cast a deeply disparaging view of an America where "we" are allowed to be free. We rape white women, are shiftless, lazy, good for nothings. We are considered renegades... until the Mighty KKKlan arrives on the scene to tame the "wild beasts".
So i listen to this radio host knocking the broadcast of such a vile piece, in todays modern era. How this movie can affect race relations, and the like.
Then i say to myself... i coulda swore this was the same host i hear playing self-denegrating music on the radio, and in the clubs he deejays. the same host i called once before because their morning local school "shout out" list aired adjacent to a Captain Morgans/Alcoholic Kool-Aid commercial. The hypocrisy is running rampant, and the number of messages we are sending to the youth, and the adults are ridiculous. And the message that usually gets heard, is the one with a finger snap on the track, or the one with Lil' Jon screamin' on it, or the one that has the catchy hook, the hook that is geared towards pre-schoolers.
We sometimes shout at the blatant signs of racism, but do little about the more subversive acts of it. Why?
Do we really think we have the power if "we" are the ones calling ourselves lazy, whoremongering, irresponsible people? i guess as long as it ain't nobody but us doing it, it's okay.
Peace.
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