Dixi..."I have spoken"

2011-11-22T05:05:00.001-08:00

We fish diamonds from the Blood Stream of African babies.

2011-10-13T05:20:00.001-07:00

DEVELOP EXIT STRATEGY why bother? This will follow me. There's no escape, I'm sure of it. What do the guys in Guantanamo do? Pray? Really, does that sustain?

2011-07-29T23:27:00.001-07:00

The big girl ratio is getting out of control around the dance floor

2011-07-29T22:29:00.001-07:00

I'm gonna cop a pool stick and be about .y bizness when I come here

2011-07-29T21:58:00.001-07:00

Its seems that big booties come with bad hair weaves and a belly....

2011-07-29T21:55:00.001-07:00

Really Sutters Home wine through a straw.... And why is the DJ playing the best of the early 90's

2011-07-29T21:43:00.001-07:00

Who needs a gun in this club with all these chairs to throw

2011-07-29T21:41:00.001-07:00

Well they got my seat... Couldn't hold out any longer...now the pipes are open

2011-07-29T21:28:00.001-07:00

I'll be nice and give them the extra seat I'm stashing

2011-07-29T21:27:00.001-07:00

I think these chicks next to me know I have to pee and are waiting me out... so they can take my seat

2011-07-29T21:26:00.001-07:00

I wonder if I dressed like I made $80k and were single would I be baggin these chicks up? Or am I just too square

2011-07-29T21:20:00.001-07:00

Its crazy that you wore heels into this club then immediately put on a pair of flip flops after entering.

2011-07-29T21:18:00.001-07:00

I will provide realtime commentary on my evening...stay posted

2011-07-29T21:13:00.001-07:00

With the obesity levels where they are in America, it is probable that every crew have at least one Big Gurl in it....

2011-01-26T05:57:00.001-08:00

"... they say its all good.... i'm trying to make it all better..." -talib kweli
AE Christmas

2010-12-23T06:46:00.001-08:00

Drive faster... when you drive faster you focus on that singular activity... now write the damn poem!
AE Christmas

2010-12-14T13:49:00.001-08:00

the year begin wrap itsekf up in a pretty box with a nice bow. packaging is everything.
we can hide our tragedies behind pretty paper and bright lights and well meaning words.
the mask is universally appliable...
we can hide the blood on boots from those defenseless people we have stepped on by simply standing behind a podium.
the hands we use strangle the life from our brothers and sisters is concealed by holding a tv remote.
the deception in our words is masked by the music of justin bieber, the fucked up life of lindsay lohan, and a black eyed peas beat.
we hide another year in a box.... never to be opened.

2010-05-26T07:16:00.001-07:00

On the cusp of my 33rd year, i have come to realize that we only share a piece of ourselves with the world.... and not much more with those we love. i have to strike out against my nature and dare the world.
it will take me for who i am. what i think. we kill ourselves to spare others from shedding blood.

to change we must change our habits...
AE Christmas

2010-04-17T20:49:00.001-07:00

Self discovery is important.... i try to do it on a daily basis. i learn who i should and should not be. some do not. i just watch from the sideline.
AE Christmas

2010-03-02T15:19:00.001-08:00

Good morning Asiya... happy eightteenth birthday.
Goodnight Ollie Christmas Sr.... I love you so much. No more pain.

My God... it's been a cold winter. I'm weary, and ready for the Spring.
AE Christmas

2010-03-01T13:37:00.001-08:00

This can't be life!
i gotta figure thing out... and soon.
i am not as happy as i should be...
AE Christmas

2010-02-20T12:41:00.001-08:00

Feb 20. my experiment is dwindling.... i need to spark the flame again. headed to a cuz bday party with the family.
AE Christmas

2010-02-11T04:06:00.001-08:00

I m still very much in the angry stage...
it comes and goes
ebbs and flows
i have to use the trickle down effect to calm myself
i have never felt this feeling before
maybe i can't pull myself out of this ditch
maybe i should just lay here for a while
til i get the strength i need...

who really wants to be here?

2010-02-05T05:03:00.000-08:00

This don't get easier...

"I find it hard to say... that everything is all right.." - Lauryn Hill

My experiment to submit daily messages has been derailed by illness and infidelity. Hopefully neither of these proves to be chonic illnesses.

Dixi

2010-02-01T04:41:00.000-08:00

I have spoken... i think i have accepted her flaws, because i know my own.

Can i live with this? Can i once again see my her as the women i loved yesterday morning?

I said it back in September that this is going to be a cold winter... it is proving itself to be one. I will be a recluse for now. mourn my loss.

like i said... i don't want to be at this place at this time. how do people do it. it wasn't that large, but Soni, how the fuck?

i accept her back 'cuz i know it isn't her. i haven't lost her, she lost herself.

2010-01-31T15:08:00.000-08:00

I write this post with the expectation that my life is changing,

changing with every breath, every blink, every thought,

thought consumes my every action,

action has forced me to inaction and disbelief,

disbelief that what i know, i don't know,

know this,

this is my fault.

I create my destiny

destiny has brought wrath upon my doorstep.

I felt the subtle brush of uneasiness as she spoke

spoke words of excitement on past love

love that changed and called her

her nonchalant acceptance of salutes from a past sutors clicks

clicks and ticks only reveal the time

time reveals the truth.

I fuckin' hate where i am, what i am, what was, and what will be!!!!!!

maybe this isn't what it is... maybe i have jumped to conclusion... this is more than likely my fault and any discussion will eventually reveal me to be correct.

2010-01-25T13:12:00.001-08:00

Iny is safe and sleeping.... sick again from pneumonia. i hope she gets stronger as she grows. i need to wrap myself in all the projects i need have under my belt.
i think i will take the pmp this year and then start the management program. that should test my committment.

AE Christmas

2010-01-20T19:11:00.001-08:00

10/365

inaya is back with pneumonia... need to investigate her predisposition to it...
i realized that people have some odd views... the total refusal of some to even put racial context into the argument of Haiti is baffling.

Arr we simply victims of Black Thought? am i unable to see the world outside the black coated lenses on... i need to examine this.
AE Christmas

2010-01-19T19:28:00.001-08:00

9/365
sitting at the table watching my wife prepare a art project for the pre-k class on Romare Bearden. she so artsy...
Tammy is here too... they found a mouse in their house... so they came to stay the night. haha...

back to work again...

AE Christmas

8/365

2010-01-19T05:44:00.001-08:00

Pic from my meeting with Dr. West.
I fixed my thermostat... hopefully that "fixed" my car problem.
nust tryin to get by... in due time... let me travel to work safely this week.

bless those who lost their lives in Haiti... mostly those who died due to not having the resources...

lets see if the pic uploads

AE Christmas

2010-01-17T22:11:00.001-08:00

7/365
I met Dr. cornel west... dude is a genius. i will post a picture tomorrow.
inaya is running a fever i am coughing... looking at my pretty wife tell me about her dream... it involves denzel washington and donna nates wedding...
my neck hurts too... i need to get a physical soon... i am not losing any weight... tighten up... i have no internal drive right now, i have to find tne root of it.
AE Christmas

2010-01-17T08:37:00.001-08:00

6/365
Well i'm half a day late....
yesterday showed me that i hate to actually go shopping... i dont mind putting the items in my shopping cart... but to spend the money is different...
gotta get a car soon.
AE Christmas

2010-01-15T22:41:00.001-08:00

5/365
Last night i saw u in my dreams.... now i cant wait to go to sleep.... -kanye

almost didnt get this out

AE Christmas

2010-01-14T15:01:00.001-08:00

4/365

i'm leaving... on a jet plane,
i know i'll be back again,
just wait til there's a hurricane,
they'll call and say we need you back here man...

cause i'm a travellin man,
movin' thru places, space and time...
AE Christmas

2010-01-13T21:46:00.001-08:00

3/365

Damn this broken elevator.... stifiling progress...

AE Christmas

2010-01-12T20:21:00.001-08:00

2/365
The earth makes fools of men who scratch its surface and claim ownership of her. Little do we realize that she is a cold bitch.
she lashes out at those men most affected by the wrath of foolish men.
what is to be said when you are beaten by man and by nature?
bless you Haiti... even though we only remember you during your "publicized" suffering... damn you short attention span!
AE Christmas

2010-01-12T06:15:00.001-08:00

This is not only a test...
it is also a quiz
a feat on strength,
a test of my two thumbs dexterity....
a referendum on yesterdays sincerity.

i am still in orlando... saw sheray... i don't think we are really friends... she didn't seem all that excited to see me (i know i am not the center of her universe) "but still"... as my wife would say... show a little love. hopefully she let go of me mentioning our car buying decision to people talk way too f'n much.

ehhh.... whadda ya gonna do?

test over... this better work cuz thats a lot of typing i just did.

1/365

2010-01-11T19:08:00.000-08:00

What am i doing...

I'm not writing, thinking, reading, shooting, listening....

Am i even living? Is it possible to live without doing...?

I mean to exist means you have to survive some infinite number of moments to arrive at the point in which you currently are...

Am i truly surving...?

To survive means to have fought through and struggled to reach the "now"...

So i am here, so then i must be surviving, and i must be living, because i'm here now...

i am here regardless of my willingness, or fervor, or desire, or curiousity, or physicality, or adaptability, or love, or love, or love...

I am here and i keep typing the word "hear" whenever i want to type the word here... see i'm not listening.... my synapses and grey matter are trying to grasp my attention but i still don't hear them....

I am hearing now, in the here and now... I promise myself 365 days of posting... let me have one whole year of my life to remember, to challenge me, to call me out on my bullshit when i say i'm gonna do something and tell nobody, so when i don't do it, i can move on under the covers of day...

where: Orlando, Embassy Suites
what: typing and just listening to Canibus' Poet Laurete 2 & Jay Electronica's Exhibit C

Peace Grandma, peace Aunt Nancy, peace Anika aka Ms. Nikki
1/365

Needle on the Record

2009-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

Lyrical injections
collapse veins and attack my cerebral cortex
Biting through tissue, corrupting the soul,
polluting the mind.
Slowly taking control.

Control taken slowly is torturous,
freedom songs travel treacherous pathways
to help me
breath deep like these is last days.
Endorphins escape from self imposed solitude,
and make a break for it.

I am stranded.
Hanging by thinly intertwined strings
interwoven thoughts, and ideas, and experiences
cultivated by hand, inspired by gods.

I lie.
I lie still.
I still lie.
I still lie in wait for help to come.

Queen...in Seven

2007-10-03T16:50:00.000-07:00

...five... six...
seven.
seven steps away from being with love.
it sounds simple, right?
like walking parallel to the DeeJay booth,
lifting left, then right foot with gravity-defying moves,
bringing the future ever closer,
is something done everyday!
well... okay it is.
the game is complexed,
but the objective is simple...
"capture the Queen."

there she was,
hips moving as though she were the beat.
playing composer to the DJ's orchestra.
the music chases her tempo,
as she plays hard to get.
the symphony slows down,
slows, as though succumbing to the exhaustive pace it was forced to maintain.
she, maestro, Queen, curtsey's
and i, like any audience, mentally
applauded her work.
she slightly, subtly,
gave my glance toward her recognition.
i, absorbed her faint smile,
as though this Queen were the sunshine,
and i, just a frostbitten Alaskan tourist,
in need of her warmth for survival.

her wordless sign of acknowledgement
inspired me to move closer.
but i had to move with a sense of purpose.

I prepared my first move.
It was a simple one, really,
the Pawns are the easiest to escape.
they are great in numbers, and
have the ability to attack, but
are merely a filter used to weed out
unqualified challengers.
Their "easiness" can seduce some,
but those who truly seek to gain the Queens
favor,
are not swayed.
Gyration, vibrations, and temptations abound,
I side-step them all, in the name of Love.

KNight approaches.
Its odd movements make it formidable,
I must not take it for granted,
for it may creep up on me,
and destroy my entire effort.
I move forward steadfastly.

All the while,
The Queen has taken up residence,
amongst opulence.
She sees all, and all see her.
As attackers attempt to mount,
she, without effort thwarts their advances.

I remain enamored,
I remain in amor,
I remain armored.

Next,
Both Rook and Bishop attempt to redirect me,
entrap me in conversation,
and the consumation of free spirits, respectively.
i decline to partake in petty discussion,
and refuse to ingest that which i am.
free.
spirit.
i guide myself as to avoid Bishops angle of attack,
and Rooks straight up and down candor, with a...
"...step, step, side to side..."

all foes have been averted,
i have come within paces of my goal,
of my gold,
my precious object of desire.

the orchestra once again attempts to
overcome their overbearing master,
unsuccessfully.
she repeatedly berates them for their insolence,
they wrap notes around her,
as though to tenderly embrace her,
and then kneel at her feet, in submission.

through strategic positioning,
i have arranged my ranks,
so as to force her in my direction.
i, unlike the DeeJay, have succeeded in my endeavor.

Queen, black, moves.
King, white, touches Queens arm,
Queen beams.
Game...
I move in closer,
in an attempt to whisper words of love,
words of peace and of war,
all which celebrate at different points on the spectrum,
a spectrum that defines what i would do,
would do to protect you.
You my Queen.
that is what i intended to say...
seven steps to Queen, black,
I had not accounted for King, black.
I lose.
Click!!!...
CheckMate.

Where I've been.

2007-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

I was recently blessed with the opportunity to shoot some shots at the album release party for Janelle Monae earlier this month. Click here if slideshow doesn't start.
peace.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Go Me, its your birthday, again, We gonna party...

2007-05-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

Like it's your birthday, again. And you know I don't give a f--k cause it's my birthday, again...

Okay people i made a promise to blog atleast one more time before i enter my Thirties. So in attempting to hold myself to my responsibilities and honoring my words, here i am.

Ya' know i love to blog, as you can tell by my excessive and obsessive number of post, but lately it doesn't move me to do so. I really began blogging to share my world, so to speak. I feel i have a lot to say and that there are hundreds of others who share pieces of my world with me. if i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times, i'm a lover of conversation. some of you may already know that but some may not. All that is to say that, even though i love to write, i love to converse even more. i personally think that one day this country will have some kind of revolution, and people like myself will be more and more valued.

so if you bothered reading this, let me know. maybe, "We can burn the incense, and just chat, Relax, I got the good vibrations,....lets have a good conversation"

Peace people.

If you wanna celebrate my dirty thirty-eth with me just have a drink and relax. cause that what i'll be doing.

Peace

Click.....(pt. 2)

2007-02-20T08:58:00.000-08:00

Click.

beep....
Hey Miss...
just checkin', thought i'd see whats up.
get at me when you got a minute. click.

beep...
What up Queen?
you ran through my head,
so i figured i would check you,
holla atcha boy when you get time. click.

beep...
Whut ta gwan star?
you stay busy,
i ain't mad at ya'.
well i thought i'd catch up with you,
see how life's treatin' you.
peace. click.

beep...
i just heard this song on the radio...
it had me reminiscing on the good ol' days,
i know you would've appreciated it.
maybe your listening anyways.
well... peace. click

beep.
did i do something to you?
i thought we were closer than that!
let me know if i did something wrong.
i hope you're in a good place.
peace Ma'. click.

beep.
click.

beep.
click.

beep.
so it's like that?
you just gonna ig' me?
like we never knew each other?!
i gotcha!
fuck you d'en!
i didn't need you anyways.
click.

"... the number you have dialed is no longer in service, please check the number a try again."
beep.
mom, i'm sorry for what i said.
i just miss you so much.
i wish i could just hear your voice again.
mom...
call me when you're ready to talk.
click.

Click... (a new concept)

2007-01-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

click, i see what noOne else does...
we all are given beautifully unique gifts that some use,
but don't all exploit.
i take complete and wreckless advantage of mine, click
i treat it as though it were a girl with low self-worth,
and i have manipulated her to do my bidding,
she turns tricks for me, click
see's things my way, click
doesn't speak without being spoken too, click
she fucks me over sometimes, but i get even
i have made her make love to people before, right in front of me
she likes it though, it shows, click
she only wants to make me happy
it's impossible for her to hide her true feelings

she doesn't know how valuable she is, but i do
i have trained this girl not to think,
not to formulate her own ideas,
matter of fact...
every idea she has about life,
about love, click
about beauty, click
about creation, click
i put in to her.
ha...
damn i'm good,
click.

peace

thank you dad for my gift! love you. you'd be proud the way i abuse her.

Click.....

2007-01-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

This an edit of this post. I guess the system was unable to support my actions, so I'm just posting a link for the slideshow.

Peace

SlideShow at Flickr.com

Life... In Black & White

2006-12-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

Here are some of my more recent photos. I've been photographing with my old school Canon, but i've been trying to save up for the "super-camera". God-willin' the first part of next year i will get it. Then all my people on here about to publish those great works of literature can holla at me about their cover photos.

the kids. photos just don't do children justice.

i got a nice glare on this one, kinda whimsical.

the Queen, doing her thing.

my neice.

oldie of my bro', possibly one of my favorite pics i've taken.

Peace.

No main topic...

2006-12-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

"My restlessness is my nemesis,
It's hard to really chill and sit still..."-- Mos Def

Man as of late writing has been on the back burner for real. Although I love to write and read other people's blogs, I find myself getting distracted. I'm sure if I were 20 years younger they would diagnose me we some form of Attention Deficit Disorder. I just finished a course in Photography, so that I can more confidently delve into my love. I've also been working on the spiritual me.

Between those to things and family, my time is sparing. But I can't say I'm sad, or upset about any of it. My plan is one of divinity, so I feel the time will be there to do all things, when all things are to be done.

It's great to see that a few people still check for me in this blogosphere. I appreciate the love.
So what have ya'll been up to. Was this a great year (aside from the fact that we've lived to see most of it) for you. Are you accomplishing any of those "resolutions" that we set for yourselves months ago? Let me know. I'm a lover of conversation, so i invite any an all of it.

Peace.

Needle on the Record

2006-12-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Lyrical injections
collapse veins and attack my cerebral cortex
Biting through tissue, corrupting the soul,
polluting the mind.
Slowly taking control.

Control taken slowly is torturous,
freedom songs travel treacherous pathways
to help me
breath deep like these is last days.
Endorphins escape from self imposed solitude,
and make a break for it.

I am stranded.
hanging by thinly intertwined strings
interwoven thoughts, and ideas, and experiences
cultivated by hand, inspired by gods.

I lie
I lie still.
I still lie.
I still lie in wait for help to come.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself

2006-10-23T20:01:00.000-07:00

Allow me to reintroduce myself...

Dang i need to write more. but i think i'm reconsumed by the spirit. not that it ever left me but it was in hibernation. so what's new? nothin' really, just chillin'. how ya'll doin? hopefully everybody is good...

....A Time Before Time....

the wounds that time doesn't heal,
the mind conceals,
using mental treachery and mental telepathy,
convincing like minds that they are like mines.
mines, sharing a field of thought,
ready to erupt when treaded upon.

it reinvents a reality that makes the body a casualty,
a soldier, killed in action, a victim a causality.
the effect of time,
the cause of time,
the beginning of the beginning.
the end of time...

...the mind drops mental bombs,
into the dreams of millions.
Allowing some of those affected to break through glass ceilings,
Allowing some of those affected to drop bombs on little children.
Allowing some of those effected to start spiritual healing.

I Used to Love H.e.r.a.

She flashed her locs.
Flashed them as though she were allowing the Sun God to massage her scalp,
all the while he placed soft kisses over her body,
leaving it bronzed.
Some areas appearing darker in tone than others, as though Ra had an affinity for thighs, breasts, the nape of the neck.
Sun's rays enlightened her mind, and warmed her heart.
Ripening her.
Bringing perfection to fruition in her,
with the blossom of a bosom that inticed many suitors,
eager to taste her nectar.

60 words....

2006-08-30T07:51:00.000-07:00

I got the inspiration for this story from Ms. Abeni. She did a great job at it, so I thought I'd pass it forward and also attempt this myself.

So all my fellow writers and exciters take up the challenge and let me know what you all create.

Resistance

A Gunshot rang. Crimson tides flowed like magma down the path of least resistance. This path had brought two souls, and one lead projectile together. The ease which the gun came into the victors hand, the tearing through the air, the fabric of the victims shirt and skin and organs, the absence of parental guidance, all walked this same path.

Peace.

Now.... every body do this... i don't wanna have to call names. Peace my pretty people.

Wheel it back selecta....

2006-08-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

This is a replay of my first ever blog post. I felt it was appropriate to rebroadcast it.

Peace

I seem to recall an incident involving the water, racism and people dying before. I can't remember if it was a movie, or a sit-com, or perhaps a PBS special... Hmmmm........Now I remember, it was around 1927 and Jim Crow was still around doing his "thang", you know disenfranchising the Negroes. Well, what seems to have happened was that a bunch of leaders in the Delta area(encompassing the southern Mississippi Valley), realizing that at some point in future they could potentially, which would possibly decimate the city of Greenville, MS, and a lot of the surrounding farm land. Well, these officials decided it would be necessary to take action, and immediately began construction on a series of levees that would safeguard the residence against any natural disasters. Being that this was going to be a large scale project, and very labor intensive, the powers that be felt Negroes would be best suited for the job. You know with their "laziness" and all. So they pulled together all the Negroes they could to handle the job, making them work long hours for little pay. On top of that all those opposing the hard labor practices, and considering leaving, were threatened with force... This is 1927, several years after the Emancipation Proclamation, but I digress.So we have Blacks working on the levee system, for low pay, and the threat of death. We have racism. All we need now is.... A Disaster, correct.In late 1926, early 1927, as Herbert Hoover sat in the White House, rain began to pound the Mid-West states. This was significant, because all the rain would eventually travel down to the Gulf of Mexico, via the Mississippi River. So, as this event began to take shape, residence on the Delta Valley were urged to leave the homes for higher ground. Some did, some didn't, what else is new... But some, couldn't. These people were called "Negroes." Well, what happened was, that some smart white people knowing that after the disaster was over, rebuilding would have to take place. So why let the "lazy" people go, when more than likely they wouldn't come back. So with the threat of force, and maybe killing a few of them just to show you mean it, the Negroes were told to stay.There's a lot more to the story but, there isn't a good ending. Negro = Disenfranchisement, is the moral of the story.And, sure this isn't exactly what happened in Louisiana, but it can give a lot of perspective on the mentality of both racial groups.

3 seconds in a life series...

2006-08-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

I decided to write a "3 seconds in the life" poem. Hopefully i can write a series of them.. who know's.

....Suicide Bomber....

Three...
No time to freeze,
only time to breathe,
i feel the stretch of my cotton tee,
as i start to... heave,
then relieve
my body of what it no longer needs.
oxygen.
it's only purpose now is to
feeds the flames,
make the bangs go boom,
seal my fate and seal their doom.
destroy some live, make the news.
the shit is bigger than religion,
i gives a fuck about the Jews.

Two...
i am the means,
i don't need to see the ends
my plans to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
so when this act
brings forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to this population pollution,
while contributing to the eradication
of an education system that
that does little for edification,
and nothing for the black nation.

you will all witness this demolition
of our government through the extradition
of these self-preserving politians,
lining their pockets with our pensions.

One...
but, what about the innocent,
are they guilty through their ignorance?
couldn't i just reach out,
and try to grab their common sense?
then again, fuck their misdirected allegiance,
treating this government
like it deserves reverence.
while we lack relevence.
only given the ghost of freedom
for our lawful adherence, and
showing little resistance
to our powerless existence.

who else will be a soldier for the war of independence
and hold these truths as evidence...?
as i utter my last words...
"Good-bye Mr. President".

Peace

Fast ForWORD

2006-08-02T06:20:00.000-07:00

I have been away from my words for a whil now. Its not so much that i'm not inspired to write, it's more that I haven't need to.

I experience these emotion every other month or two. I guess its my equivilent to the PMS or somethin'.

I decided to post some blasts from the past. These are just a couple of reminders of how far we have come, and how far we need to go. Also reminders on how much some people wanted to see us dead.

And my personal favorite...

Did Ice Cube just say "get your girl in the mood quicker, get your jimmy(penis) thicker..."? Wow and these were on regular TV back in the day.

Peace

It's Like a Narcotic...

2006-07-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

I find myself in a moment of reminesence,
on how the drug has affected my whole existence,
an act that didn't recieve any opposition
it set my soul on fire and made me stop, look, and lissen.

Only thing i could do was close my eyes,
and feel how the affect caused a rise,
in my blood pressure,
triggering a head nodding gesture,
a symptom associated with overindulgence,
it was a substance for which i had no defense.

The melodic bass drops increased my minds elevation,
the tap of the treble disrupted my brain cell population,
nausea came from the flow of the lyrics,
the Trinity combined to capture my spirit,
to the point where i can't live unless i here it.

I gotta get it,
Now i got it,
Music... is like a narcotic.

Verse ONe aka Green Lantern..

2006-07-18T06:31:00.000-07:00

Shining the Light into the Darkness.

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
In Love:
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?"

What's" Your Power Color?

Quick Question...

2006-07-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

Out of curiousity, a lot of the folks who's blogs i visit do poetry or short stories. And with the amount of talent that ya'll write with, do any of you worry about creative theft? I would hate for your or my stuff to be jacked by some sucka to claim it as their own.

I do, do the the poor mans copyright, but from what i read it doesn't always hold up in court.

Let me know if ya'll doing anything, or if you worry about.

Peace.

Pieces of my Peace

2006-07-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

Mean's to an End

I am the means,
I don't need to see the ends.
My purpose is to build and destroy
some of these institutions.
So when my thoughts
bring forth revolution,
and inspires some solution
to the population pollution;
while contributing to the eradication
of a system of education
that does little for edification
and nothing for the black nation.

Fin.

The end is "n-here."

I have packed by bags,
and said my goodbye's.

I am not leaving alone,
but I will be going alone.

The cries of my absence will not be heard,
they will not be felt,
they will not be remembered.

Peace

"Closer to my dreams..."

2006-06-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

First off... i appreciate all those who were able to respond to my previous post discussing what you would do if you knew you had 24 hours to live. i now know who my real friends are... just jokin.

"Closer".... that's the name of this song by this very powerful singer by the name of Goapele. I only recently discovered her music, but since i found it i've been shouting her out to everyone i know. Her music is very inspiring, and i find it really soothing. In the song Closer she drops lines like:

"Closer to my dreams,

Feel it all over my being,

Close your eyes and see what you believe..."

I tend to search for the metaphysical relationship of the stuff i read,write, or listen to. So when i heard these lines i was instantly affected by them. i saw a need for me to stop looking for my next move and just close my eyes and use my "mind's eye" to guide me. i used to be more in tuned with my surroundings, but in more recent times i got away from trusting myself on alot of things immediately around me. I've gotten better at it lately, hence my desire to write more poetry, which has always been a love of mine.

But yeah, i definitely implore you all to find that which affects and infects your soul with positivity. And if you know what that is... please share, you never know what your words may do for another.

Peace.

Each one teach one...

24 hours....

2006-06-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

I was playin this old mix tape i had the other day and it had this old track on it by Mase, called "24 Hours". On it the Lox, DMX, and Mase rap about what they would do with 24 hours left to live.

It made me think of what i would do with my last twenty-four hours, so i decided i'd share it with ya'll just in case it comes to fruition soon.

I'd print out my blog(s), gather my college journal, and all my poetry, then put them in a folder for my wife and children. I figure they should know as much about who i was as possible.
write one last blog tellin' everybody, cause i don't want folks coming here asking where i'm at, and why i ain't posted nothin' in a while. plus i'd definitely try and go meet my blogging Muse just for gp.
Mass email everybody in my "contacts" list an e-invite to my funeral.
talk to my family and let them know individually how they inspired me, and made me the person i am.
i'd consider converting to some religion, but i probably wouldn't.
I probably wouldn't waste time trying to drive around Atlanta catchin' up with people, cause most of my time would be in traffic, so i'd have a good day with the kids (videotaped), and have a real good evening with them missus (also videotaped, hopefully i remember to put in a new tape for this one).

I ain't gonna make this one of those list of people, who i require to post on their blog responses.... but i will make a list of people i'd like to see respond... and you better do it, or suffer the consequences....

Ms. Nikki, My man G, GeorgiaPeace (i mean GeorgiaPeach), Brea, NSanleeSane, Hassan, Abeni, and all the other folk who stop through my little corner of the world wide web.

Let me know if ya'll do it. so i'll be on the lookout.

Peace.

Love Haiku-Style.

2006-06-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Her presence froze me
cold winds smoothed her rough edges
i could not unthaw

peace.

free...style...love...poem.

2006-06-08T05:16:00.000-07:00

i decided to post a poem, but since i didn't want to post some old stuff i figured i'd try and freestyle one.... wish me luck.

i'll make it a love poem...

i want a love that moves me forward.

i want a love that teaches,
reaches,
stretches,
and caresses
me.

i want a love that touches,
clutches,
envelops,
and develops
me.

i want a love,
that shower's me.
shower's me like a summer rain,
both cooling my soul,
and leaving remnants of its presence for all to see.

i want a love,
that empower's me,
emboldens me,
embeds itself in me,
a love that empties me.

i want a love that tells me when it's time to stop, look, and listen...

Peace.

"One good thing about music...."

2006-06-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

"...when it hits you fell no pain."-- Bob Marley, Trenchtown Rock

As much as I admire and love Bob Marley; As much as I love the relevance and timelessness of his music and message; I'm beginning to see some untruth in this line.

Maybe because Bob recorded Trenchtown Rock in the 70's, years before the "Bling" era of rap music, he probably couldn't find much fault in making such a statement. But, my how times have changed. If there's anything that's causing me pain, it has to be music right now. Music playing on the radio right is killin' my spirit right now, and the fact that my CD player is not working properly, i'm kinda in a position where i either drink the "kool-aid" or die of thirst.

Since i really ain't down with the mass suicide that today's radio is assisting so many people with, I've been getting familiar with some Country Music.

Quick side note.... did ya'll know there is a country song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"?? Dang, even country music is jackin' hiphop culture!

So I decided to list just a few of the most euthanising songs i've heard:

1. One of the worst is this song called Give me that Pussy (*excuse the language*). With lyrics like--
"...She might go back to the telly(hotel) with me,
Shake her jelly(body) with me,
Let my people bust(ejaculate) on her face and her belly with me..."

and, a chorus that tells women to "Give me that Pussy...", I can see how this can be considered radio friendly.

2. Next, is Gettin' Some Head. Now this song is not nearly as offensive as Give me that Pussy, but it's damn near close. It really just shows us how far backwards music as gone. I remember a time when this song wouldn't get played on the radio because of censorship, or if it was played, it was at the ass-crack of night. Nowadays I wouldn't be surprised to hear some high school band playing this at a football game.

3. Any of the songs that are out, or have been out recently glorifying the "Trap" life. The Trap is new slang for the hood or any drug-ridden, impoverished area. It originates out of the South, but i've heard my homeboy see people in Boston rock t-shirts with "TrapStar" written across them. I really hate the over glorification of criminal behavior that we seem to be constantly bombarding ourselves with. Isn't it bad enough that we call it the "trap"? Doesn't that signify something greater than a neighborhood? Maybe a "rat-trap", or a "mental-trap", and possibly even a "boobie-trap"... in other words, traps are cannot be a good place to be. Because you are then at the will of the "trapper".

Maybe i can't hold it against Brother Bob's famous lyrics, i mean may be it's a logic problem. Music does not cause pain. Some rap causes pain. Some rap is not music. Makes sense to me.

That's it for now. I'm sorry to realize that all the selected material for this post was formulated from the minds of the South. I'm am sure every region plays a part in this spreading of this self-inflicting-mind-deteriorating-culturally-genocidal epidemic, but since this is where i'm at, i have to talk what i know and what i hear.

Peace.

"I wasn't supposed to make it past twenty-five,..."

2006-05-31T07:43:00.000-07:00

"...jokes on you I'm Still Alive,..." --Kanye West (We Don't Care)

I've been on this planet in the "physical" form, now, for 28 years... And guess what? I ain't dead yet! That's right. I know i don't blog that often, so some might consider me dead at times, but low and behold, I return.

Aside from actually being here today, here are a few more accomplishments I can be proud to exclaim:

I haven't been convicted of a felony, yet. This one was easy. But i'm sure most of us know the alarming number of black male's sitting behind bars. I mean, black men make up 12% of the population, but amass 44% of those incarcerated in this country, so I'm happy to have been able to escape that path for this long. I know that their are lots of statistics that contribute to these number's, but yet and still, i have thus far been able to steer clear of this one.
I ain't dead yet. I remember in the late 80's and early 90's statistics saying that 2 in 10 Black children won't make it to the ripe ol' age of 25. As a 13 year old kid, that shit damn near blew me away. I started counting my friends, and wondering which of us wasn't gonna make it. It wasn't til later that statistics aren't always national, sometimes it only applies to a certain region. I can see why some of my friends went to do crimes and get real wreckless, because if you only got 10 years left, might as well enjoy that shit.
I actually have a job. With the employment rate for Black men nearly triple than that of their white counterparts, and the quick and mostly ridiculous media reports assumptions, i can kinda understand why Black boys don't have a clue what to do with thier lives. I think i was lucky to have people in my life who could tell me about all types of careers to follow. But to many, thiers nobody they can see or interact with who's an Engineer, or a Pharmacist, or a AstroPhysicist. So if you don't see it, how can you be it? Thus the reason for the love of wanting to be an athlete or a rapper.

So in conclusion... there is much for me to be happy for at the young-old-age of 28... i mean 29.. dang i gotta get used to that number.

***Oh yeah i'd like to thank all the staticians out there for depressing Black people for all these years!!!

Peace.

Go Me... it's your birthday.... i'm gonna party....

2006-05-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

Cuz it's my birthday... and you know you should give eff, cuz it's my birthday!!!!

Well that's the official song for next Tuesday. I might not get many blogs done between now and then, so I figure now was a good time to get it done.

But if you're yearning for some of my writings, i implore you to check my older stuff. I think i have a lot of untouched posts on this site so please check me out.

I also would appreciate conversation about anything i've written so IM (instant message) me or drop a line somewhere.

Peace my people, and party safe and what not this weekend.

Peace

"One good thing about music,..."

2006-05-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

Maybe i can't hold it against Brother Bob's famous lyrics, i mean may be it's a logic problem. Music does not cause pain. Some rap causes pain. Some rap is not music. Makes sense to me.

Peace.

Peace Brother Malcolm 1925-1965

2006-05-19T13:44:00.000-07:00

I can't let this day go buy without having posted atleast one message commemorating the birthday of Brother Malcolm Shabazz. He is one of my few mentors and has meant a lot to me.

So Peace. Here are some links to information on him, I definitely implore you all to spend a few minutes honoring his memory by reading or listening to one of his many speeches. His messages are so relevant today that it's not even funny.

Official Website of Malcolm X

Audio Files

Audio and Video

Peace!!!!

I am Man, Hear me Roar...

2006-05-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Ya' know, sometimes I even amaze myself. I mean, i know i am a bright, attractive, and very gifted man, but I always seem to find out something new and great about me. I know what some of ya'll might be saying, "he's a cocky little guy, ain't he?", and i respond to that by saying, "if i don't say i'm the greatest, who will?".

You may ask, "what fumes has Verse been sniffin' on today?" Well i haven't been sniffin many fumes but i did have to some over the past 4 days. It all started on Thursday, when on my way to work i noticed a very noticeable "check engine" light on my car on my way to work. This wasn't good. So when i got to work i read in my car book, and found some cause for the potential wallet threatening warning. After doing some investigation, I summized that it must be a battery problem. So i decided to go to the dealership and have them run a check on my system and give me an estimate of how many children it's gonna cost me to get it fixed.

They come back in short order, and matter-of-factly, without any hint of remorse or regret, say...."it'll be about $980 to repair the car". What tha Fuck? $980! Damn! Damn these foreign cars...

Things I can do with $980:
-Buy daughter 3300 diapers, which would last about a week.
-Buy me the new XBox360 and 1 game.
-Buy my son 2 days at Disney, and maybe a soda there.
-Buy wifey a baby sitter so she can get a break.

So after i told them to just bring my car around and drove away, i did what i always do when my car is acting funny, i called my Dad. Since he's an mechanic, i figured he could best tell me what i should and could do on my own. After scoffing at the cost to repair, he then offered me the encouragement to do the work myself. I immediately began calling autopart stores in search of the best deal on the part i needed. I eventually found it for a cost of 180 bucks. So i ordered the part on Friday, and picked i up this past monday.

I used a couple of my paid days off and worked on it and completed the project yesterday evening. All in all i am happy, and i was able to drive it to work today, so i know it's working.

new part for your car....... $203
miscellaneous cost of working on it myself...... $62.00
having saved over $700, and being able to reaffirm my manhood....... priceless.

Peace.

4 things and First Year Lists

2006-05-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

I have once again succumb to the wishes of another blogger and completed this "list". i hope you all take this info down, and use it to get credit cards in my name.

YOUR FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE.....
School: Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University located in Tallahassee, Florida.

Where did you live? Sampson—3rd Floor. P phi P (playa phi pimp) ran things that year.

Who was/were your roommate(s)? My man Jake from the Chi. I don’t think dude woulda made it through that year if not for all the goodies my Mom’s sent down.

Do you still talk to them? Nah. He moved back to the Chi. I think he coaches basketball up there.

Ever get in trouble in the dorms? nope, I knew how to run.

Something you remember about when you first lived on campus? playing dominoes all day. Ordering $5 pizza from this place called Backyard Pizza, and I could swear they made it in their backyard. Chillin’ on the “Set”. And going to the Biggie concert for free.

Your campus phone number or other number:who remembers that? Unless you’re a sophmore.

First party attended? It was at Diamonds n’ Pearls (DNP) it was off the chain, plus it was down the street from the school.

First Bar you got wasted at? Never drank in college.

Favorite Pizza Place? ”dominos. actually, the drivers weren't getting robbed until my class got there, then all hell broke loose. we were some fucking thugs for real.”—Nikki

Thanks to Nikki’s class Domino’s wouldn’t deliver when I got there. So BackYard pizza was the lick.

Favorite place to go out to eat? Guthries. The place had 5 things on the menu. Chicken finger box, Chicken finger sandwich, Toast, Drink, and maybe a salad.

Did you go to the library? all of the time. We weren’t allowed to have chicks in the room, so you had to take them somewhere. Get you one of the hidden “study” rooms and you were straight.

What was your Favorite Floor you'd always be on? Third Floor. Ya’ll betta recognize.

Club, Athletics, Frat or Sororities, you joined? P phi P. and Me Phi Me

Where did you buy your books? Books???

Who made the best wings? Don’t know.

Ever attend a sporting event? no doubt. It was FAMU, home of Mighty Hundred.

Ever attend a concert or comedic performance? Biggie Smalls was the illest. I saw Sommore (comedian) Earthquake, etc.

Have you ever spent the night on campus not in your dorm hall? Nah. i wasn't gonna get sent home over no chick.

Favorite night to go out on, and where did you go? Wednesday for Wicked Wednesday, also Thursday thru Tuesday as well. And I still banged out good grades freshman year…. What!

Where did you get your coffee? Don’t drink the stuff.

Favorite part of Halloween? ”what kind of fucking question is this? no really...what the fuck this gotta do with the list as a whole?”---Nikki

Ditto.

Go see a play or been in one? I saw one or two. The Three Mo’ Tenors.

Did you ever have a job at school? Yep. I worked at the car wash place down the street from the school. I did that for about a week. Worked at a gas station for two years.

What do you hate about your college? Not getting my Net Check on time. Don’t play with my money…

What did you love most about it? People I met. Life Education I got. Baby I made. Wife I found.

Ever leave to go on a road trip, where? All the time. Miami, Atlanta, Orlando, Gainesville, Panama City, J-Ville.

Where would you believe is the best location to live in? Palmetto Apartments. Atleast chicks could come in to your spot. Though they couldn’t come in your room… wtf?

Graduated or still attending? Graduated. FAMU…FAMU… FAM God damn U, alright, alright.

Will you go back? one day. Probably when my kids attend.

How many parking tickets have you gotten there? I left there with $800 dollars in fines, but they never made me pay them. I was only in that handicapped spot for ten minutes. Give me a break!

Finally, ever gotten arrested? Nope.

_________________________________

FOUR THINGS
Four nicknames I've been given: I never had one…. Damn. Nobody like me enough.

Four movies I would watch over and over: Friday, Belly (first 5 minutes), Paid in Full, Carlito’s Way.

Four jobs that I have had in my life:
1. Chinese Restaurant (cut veggies all day)
2. tutor/teaching assistant
3. grocery bagger
4. On-site Government Representative to Contracting Officer aka baby sitter.

Four places I have lived: England, tallahassee, Germany, atlanta

Four TV shows I like to watch: My Name is Earl, BoonDocks, The Office, Everybody Hates Chris

Four places I have been on vacation: New Orleans, Netherlands, d.c., my momma house

Four things I could NOT live without: my music, my children, my functioning brain, and my camera. I had “my penis", but I opted for camera, afterall I do have children already listed.

Four of my favorite foods: oven baked macaroni, taco’s , cheesecake, fried catfish.

Four places I would rather be right now: at home with the FAM, reading (cause I’m supposed to be), taking pictures, playing in the rain like I used to when I was a kid.

Peace Out.

Let me know if you get that Credit card. Cause i might need you to get me something with it.

Peace.

Wednesday

2006-05-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

It was one of those Wednesdays, not the type that makes you wish it was the following Friday, but the type that made you yearn for the previous Monday. Because, if it were Monday the memories of the past few hours probably would have never existed.

It was getting late, and the darkness began to bleed onto the off-white colored walls, and furniture of the modestly decorated studio apartment. Shadows were being splattered across the picture frames that hung around the room. A murderous silence had engulfed the space.

He hadn’t moved from the Rent-a-Center branded, vinyl covered, metal framed chair in hours. It was obviously the most uncomfortable chair he owned, and although it made him squirm occasionally, he stayed there. The comforting he wanted would not be satisfied by any inanimate object, let alone a chair.

Maybe the chair was a, sort of, self imposed punishment, forcing him to recollect.

It was the 7:00 a.m. intolerable beeps of the alarm clock that had changed everything. Actually the clock is only partially to blame; most of it belonged to his subconscious mind. The part of his brain that had republished the repressed memories of “her". He had dreams of Nina in the past, but none played as prominently in his mind as this one had. This one had challenged him to accept something, which he didn’t want to believe.

Blind faith had always been a hindrance in Akil’s life. From politics and UFO’s, to religion and Love, Akil never believed anything until it was proven, and observed. And if he couldn’t witness it, then it didn’t exist. This was one aspect of his life that Nina had created a hiccup in; with the idea that some things come from a sense of knowing and feeling. Knowing that not all things’ can be revealed with an abacus and a chalk board, and feeling, a movement, internally towards something or somebody.

He appreciated and detested her for that.

He appreciated that she had been willing to challenge his philosophy. But he had a certain level of disdain for her, one, for the fact that she had been fairly successful in proving it. And, two, for where and what she had brought him through. For, Akil wouldn’t be sitting in this chair, on this Wednesday, watching the bloody shadows run down the faces on the pictures in his home, if not for Nina. It was her absence that had created the memories, that he had to suppress, that had permeated into and stained his consciousness at 7:00 a.m. this morning, which had forced him to punish himself by sitting in the worst seat in his home; contemplating her absence.

She had brought him to this point. Her selfishness. Leaving without reason, without speaking, without him, never to be seen again.

Reports said that her remains were found, and that she had taken her own life. That she had chosen to condemn her Soul to a fate worst than Hell. To the purgutorious world that held captive to those Soul’s that didn’t deserve the peace that Hell had to offer.

Akil couldn’t believe what he heard. Not that it shocked him, but the fact that Nina no longer existed. He had avoided all possible chances to view the remains of what was said to be her two-year old dead body. He believed that if he did not observe her death, nor saw proof, it couldn’t be true. That ideology had worked so many times before in his life. It had comforted him.

But now he was uncomfortable. He sat in his cheap, vinyl covered barstool, in total darkness, looking towards the pictures that hung on the wall. Even though he could not visibly see them, he knew they were there. He knew from a sense of knowing, and felt from a, sort of, internal movement that they were there, and that Nina was not.

He detested her for filling his head with such invalidatible theories of knowing and feeling.

Because if not for Nina, Akil wouldn’t be looking at the pictures hanging on his wall, and watching the blood and the shadows slowly engulf his space. He wouldn’t be sitting there, uncomfortably waiting to join Nina in that Hell greater than Hell.

Peace.

Get on the Train.

2006-05-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

It's really been a minute since i've blogged or even read blogs. The train of life seems to be larger and faster than my train of thought lately. i've been encountering new horizons at every turn, whether it's at home, with my other people's, or at work.

before i continue, i emplore ya'll to check this site NeosoulCafe.com it is definitely playing some good music. Soul music. Why is it only black artist seem to be able to produce soul music? what, white folk are soulless? hmmm...

Anyways. I heard today in reports that American Movie Classic (AMC) channel broadcasted the movie, Birth of a Nation, last night. In Atlanta one of the morning show host, was upset about its showing, and the portrayal of Black folks in the movie. it cast a deeply disparaging view of an America where "we" are allowed to be free. We rape white women, are shiftless, lazy, good for nothings. We are considered renegades... until the Mighty KKKlan arrives on the scene to tame the "wild beasts".

So i listen to this radio host knocking the broadcast of such a vile piece, in todays modern era. How this movie can affect race relations, and the like.

Then i say to myself... i coulda swore this was the same host i hear playing self-denegrating music on the radio, and in the clubs he deejays. the same host i called once before because their morning local school "shout out" list aired adjacent to a Captain Morgans/Alcoholic Kool-Aid commercial. The hypocrisy is running rampant, and the number of messages we are sending to the youth, and the adults are ridiculous. And the message that usually gets heard, is the one with a finger snap on the track, or the one with Lil' Jon screamin' on it, or the one that has the catchy hook, the hook that is geared towards pre-schoolers.

We sometimes shout at the blatant signs of racism, but do little about the more subversive acts of it. Why?

Do we really think we have the power if "we" are the ones calling ourselves lazy, whoremongering, irresponsible people? i guess as long as it ain't nobody but us doing it, it's okay.

Peace.

"It's been a long time, i shouldn't have left you..."- Rakim

2006-04-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

What is up my people? I've been on hiatus for a few days so now i'm back to breathe some of that good blogosphere air. I know ya'll have been awaiting my return on pens and needles, so wait no more.

The last week has been a kinda vacation and a metamorphosis. Aside from one of my homeboys from high school coming down to visit and helping take me back to the essence of myself, wifey and i had a nice little talk about some things. I am feeling a lot more optimistic about my future than i did when i wrote the piece i wrote prior to this post.

Nothing does the body better than a renewal of the spirit. When your spirit is fresh and revived... age can do very little to prevent forward movement.

So as you all bask in the light that is currently eminating from my persons... I hope you all feel the light, see the light, and be the light.

Peace.

Everybody's Everything; My Own Nothing

2006-04-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

A few posts ago Nikki posted a question asking people if they have ever had an epiphany. I did, so... "i wrote a song-about-it. wanna-here-it? here-it-go...."

"I got t'ree jobs, mon!"
Not really but that's one of my favorite In Living Color bits,
I never knew if Jamaican people found that offensive, though.

I am a husband
I am a father,
I am a lover,
I am also a brother,
I am a, so called, "good son" to my father and mother.
I am a buffer, and a rebuffer.
I am not the middle child, but
I am the child in the middle.
I am a counseler,
I am a consoler,
I am a cooler of hot heads,
I am a voice of reason,
I am a Cheerleader
I am a Loan Officer,
I am a Peace Maker,
I am a Spiritual Adviser, and
I am the Devil's advocate.

I am everybody's everything,
I am my own nothing.

Peace.

"thank-ya-very-much!"-- in living color.

"911 is a joke in yo' town..."

2006-04-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

Questions Pt. 3

2006-04-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I know you've all been waiting to see what other Verses lay in the mind of me. now that i look at that past line, it sounds kinda corny, forgive me. But yeah, here a few more things that have entered my mind lately and have not left yet so i'll share, but i ask that ya'll share as well. Like i always say "each one, teach one" so take me to school. Aight?

Why is a new Georgia law about to make it open season on shooting Black males?

Well, Georgia has gone the way of several other states like, Texas, Florida, and Louisiana, with a new "Shoot First Law". Notice that these all happen to be southern states? Well what the law basically says is that; if you feel "threatened" by another person, whether your in you home, car, or any public place, you have the legal right to discharge your firearm into the "threatening person" without the fear of prosecution. This law will require people to no longer avoid confrontation, or seek refuge when confronted with a "threatening" character.
Okay let's define "threat". Now, after thinking about who I've ever really considered a threat to my persons, and my mind began to click. Click, click, click. Then i realized i've never felt my life threatened. Not even the time i was standing in a gas station while it was being robbed. And then I thought on the greater scale, who are the biggest, or the perceived biggest, threats in Georgia, or any other state. Black Men! So from my deductive reasoning, i basically take this law to say that, "white people. you no longer have to cross to the other side of the street when you see a group or "gang" of Black Men walking towards you!" I could be wrong, but in the next few years i'm expecting to hear of a lot more cases of justifiable homocide.
What do ya'll think? Am i just stuck in "black thought", or do you think this is a likely scenario?

Peace.

For more info on the law click here . Peace Out!

Untitled joint i spoke.

2006-04-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

These are the lyrics for a audio post i created a few days ago.

My soliloquies,
speak of tranquility.
You feelin' me?
All i ask is you be real with me,
but you instead you tend to do the opposite,
we can't chill on the boat for a day, without one of us rockin' it.
i ain't knockin' it
i'm jus sayin',
know-what-i'm-sayin'?
Must not cuz we delayin',
sprayin',
negative vibes in each other's space bubble.
can we go a whole day without lookin' in the face of trouble?
cuz we always on the News,
singin' the white man's blues,
wearing the white man's blues,
while the white man blew your dreams out the window.
have you thinkin' thats the end,
though,
the chance get slimmer,
and the tunnel light gets dimmer,
we all have God to lighten us,
and each other to enlighten us.

Peace.

The Questions... Pt. 2

2006-03-30T04:46:00.000-08:00

Okay now back to my questions. If you didn't read my first five check them out below.

Why do we believe marriage is supposed to work?
Why are we one of the few creatures on earth that actually "attempt" to practice a life long monogamous relationship? If you look at the behaivor and practices of the animal on earth they choose their mate for the season and after that it's on to the next. There are a few animals that kill their mates after procreation, and I definitely don't condone that, but I think we should consider the institution of marriage and it's purpose in human existence.
If you think about the fact that more than 50% of marriages will end in divorce, and increasing daily, you get the idea that people don't want to be held captive to just one person for life. This is why I laugh and shake my head when I meet women looking for "Mr. Right", because it's like looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It just doesn't exist.
I can't believe that there is one person that contains all the attributes that one desires in a soulmate. I did a list of things I'd like in my mate and I'm lucky to have 3 or 4 in any one person. So what do I do? Do I just keep looking for that complete package, or do I deny myself the enjoyment of qualities?

Why has pornography pervaded every orifice of technology?
Okay, if you read my recent material you know I enjoy porn. I believe it's a healthy relationship, so hey, don't hate! Now, as much as I like appreciate the internet's infinite supply of every possible and concievable type of porn, I think we might have begin being concerned. I really appreciate the fact that I don't have to go to a special store, where I have to park around back, just to get the latest movies. And porn has always been here, from cave drawings to silent film, but recently it's gotten out of hand.
As of now, there probably is no single technological multimedia invention that has not be touched by it. I mean, cell phones, computers, magazines, t.v., satelite radio, in-dash and seat mounted car dvd players, and now even iPods. iPod!! Now we can walk down the street and watch a porno, or while waiting for the school bus. Part of me says "I wish I were in high school right about now" and part of me is glad i'm not. Primarily because stimulation overload and no place for release wouldn't be good for a 16 year old me.
So now we got access to porn, and no way to slow it down. And I'm aware of the consequences of a society that doesn't have a tight grip on the leash of morality, i.e. Sodom and Gomorrah, but who wants somebody else upholding a moral standard, that you may or may not endorse? So we are left to wait for what will be the next technological device for our viewing or listening pleasure. One day we'll see how this all play out...
hopefully there's no "money shot". LOL. that was wrong...

Peace OUT!

one last little rant... why is there porn of the Simpson's? i'm mean come on! really, The Simpson's?

Peace.

Untitled joint i wrote.

2006-03-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

The Questions... Pt. 1

2006-03-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

With all the talk of list and tags askin' about the type of women I want, or what I want to do before i die i decided to write some questions, and possible answers that have been perplexing me as of late. Enjoy.

Let's say I'm a die hard Christian, and really thankful for Jesus in my life, and praise Him and all. Does that mean I should be thankful for slavery, to some degree?
I mean, i know it's a stretch. Millions of us Black people in America are direct descendents of slaves, and most of us Christian. Now, we got that religion from White folks and were persecuted under their belief in it, because they (white folks) thought the Bible told them enslavement of the Africans was justified.
So if we pray to this God of the Bible, and thank him for "saving" us, and believe that we have nothing if we don't have him. Then doesn't it go to say that without the chain of events that unfurled, we would be in Africa dying and suffering for our sins? So.... we should thank white people for giving us this religion, even though it was pretty f'd up how they introduced it?

Why do I love chicks with naturals so much?
I remember back when I was at FAMU i'd look past a lot of chicks just to check out the one with the locs, or the low ceasar, or an afro puff. And whats funny all my homeboys would look around and the same room of chicks and say, "there you go" whenever the saw a chick with a natural. My last girlfriend rocked a perm the first year of our relationship, and then one day she surprised me and cut off her hair, and rocked the ceasar. She looked like 10 times better after that.
My current belief is that it's still not culturally typical, acceptable to have a natural, and i like anything that goes against the establishment.

Why do the women of Africa have the smoothest skin I've ever seen?
I was watching a program on women of Somalia, and I couldn't help but notice that the women, even the young one's of pubescent age, had some flawless looking skin. And with all the stress and strife they deal with in thier lives, you would expect it to show, but it doesn't.
Probably because of all the "garbage" we put into our bodies in this country and all the toxins we ingest and inhale, we are unlikely to have the level of perfection in our skin.

Why are Brazillian women so damn fine?
I don't know if I'm jumping on th Snoop and Pharrell band wagon here, but I've been seeing pictures and videos with these women, and I can't help but say "Damn!". It's ridiculous. I hope my enamourment is not based on the eurocentric standard of beauty, but more the Africanity of their features. I haven't figured it out yet. But not everything is worth disecting, sometimes its good not to overanalyze and enjoy the scenery.

Why do people assume I'm born on Christmas?
Ok, let me start of by saying my last name is Christmas... Now, typically your last name comes from your father, who gets his from his father. But for some damn reason a lot of people, mostly white, have to ask either, "where did you get that last name from?" or "were you born on Christmas?". To which I usually say, "From my daddy, ya' damn fool!" or "You don't get last names based on your birthday ya' idiot!", at least that what I say in my head.

My new verbal response is more sarcastic than that. I usually just give them a little genealogy lesson, stating basically that as far as I know we were once OWNED by some white folks in Virginia, and they gave us the name. I guess white people forget about that part in history when they ask question like to Black people.

well that's all for now, more later. Peace OUT!

2006-03-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

10 things.

2006-03-28T07:13:00.000-08:00

Rules:If I tag you, you have to do the following:
1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention gender of target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

I can basically sum up the perfect women in one statement, written by an artist named Ras Kass on a song entitled Soul On Ice. “I want a woman with the body of a whore and/ and attitude like Lauryn.” Now that sounds vague, simple and kinda typical for a man, but let me attempt to break that down.

1. The body of a whore.No need for an explanation. But let me do so anyways, before ya’ll get the wrong idea. By whore I don’t mean in the trashy, run-down, slutty dressing sense. I mean the type of check that just has everything, and in the right places. Not so much a model-type chick but a proportioned-type chick. And one who knows how that maintanence is important in keeping it together.
2. Attitude like Lauryn.
Now this portion is based strictly on what I percieved at one time Lauryn’s attitude to be like. With all the craziness surrounding her now, I might have to make adjustments to this. She basically just needs to be “cool”, in the sense that she should understand that all things come in cycle, so stressing or flippin’ out over unforseen circumstances is useless, and will only affect you in the long run.
3. Music.
This is the cornerstone of any strong relationship with me. An appreciation of my music. I don’t necessarily expect all women to up on Little Brother, or Mos Def, or whoever, but just open your ears to it. I don’t want to hear “Cut that crap off” if I’m bumpin’ it in the whip or something. Ya’ might get kicked out the ride for that. Plus a fan of soul music. See #2
4. Trust and honesty.
I guess these are important. Everybody says they are, so I guess they are. Sometimes I don’t feel like hearing the truth, I am human, and sometimes the truth eff’n sucks. It’s good to be in the Matrix every once in a while. But mostly the truth is good if not a great way to keep a relationship moving forward.
5. Compassion.
Compassion for human suffering, and for the basic needs of all people. The realization that all people need an advocate, and the willingness to be that advocate. See #2
6. Understanding.
Understanding of every Man’s basic “needs”. We all know what these needs are, so there’s really no need to elaborate. Women just need to know that sex is a drug, not a weapon, and as with any addiction, it will take more of that “drug” to satisfy the urges of it. So be conscious of that.
7. Open-minded.
Being open-minded, to me, is a very attractive trait. The willingness to step away from the traditional school of thought, and considering embracing a new and alternative one, will win my affection all by itself. This partially relates to item #2 and #3.
8. Self sustaining.
I like women who don’t need a man to complete them. The type of chick who will go to the mall by herself, or will go treat herself to nice dinner. Sometimes we need that space.
9. Sense of Humor.
I like to crack jokes and have fun laughing at silly stuff. There is a time and a place to be serious, but I go with the old addage, “Laughter is the best medicine”.
10. And last but definitely not least a healthy respect for Porn.
I think so many women tend to think that these “skin flicks” are dirty, sinful pieces of entertainment with no redeeming qualities. I don’t agree, I actually believe this world would be a much worse place without the genre. “Embrace the Porn” that’s what I say. Not really but at least don’t pull out the crucifixes when you come across one.

I really have no other requirements for women, except that you adopt and embrace the language from my previous post on what our children should be exposed to.

now, do i know 8 bloggers? i don't think so. so if you get tagged by me, deal with it! just jokin'.
NY to UK
Random Thoughts
Ms. GeorgiaPeach
Ms. Nikki
The Accomplice
N Search of Ecstatsy
Josie from Trini
Abeni

Is it possible?

2006-03-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

One quick question... I'm wondering if it's at all possible for men to be "on their period". I mean i know not biologically it's not, but emotionally. Like for example a few weeks ago I wrote some things to someone, who may have considered me a friend, and I consider her one as well. But, yeah, so i go off on this rant, which at the time seemed very logical, and purposeful, and the truth. I emoted like i have rarely done, ever.

So anyways, i ranted and i sent the email rant to this person, and they responded and i replied, and i tried to clarify my previous rant, which probably was just as confusing and the original one. A few days later i ended up going through my email box and i decided to read what i had written and came to realize that i was "eff'n trippin"!

This leads me to wonder, "was i on my period?" Let me know what ya'll think. Peace.

Oh yeah, to the person this is concerning, I want to appologize... Peace.

Good Night and Good Luck

2006-03-08T12:45:00.000-08:00

5 Things...

2006-03-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

There are hundreds of different lists posted on peoples sites. Most of these list discuss topics ranging from music to sex history. So I've decided to enter the realm of list posting.

Only thing is my list will be a list of thing to do before you die. Not in the "visit Europe" or "be successful" sense of the word, but in the "pass this on to your future generations" sense. Aside from our religious or moral convictions I think that there is a lot of information that we need to pass along, in order to further the "cause" for Black people in the U.S. So without further ado:

5 Things We Should Show Our Children

"Willie Lynch Letter"-- I know by this point many have either read or heard this letter, and some have discounted the importance of its effects on the condition of modern Blacks. But the letter is one of the most important documents on the systematic distraction of a people to date. Not since the letters of Jeffrey Amherst discussing the destruction of Native American Indians by offering them blankets infected with Small Pox, has their been documentation that so affected a people or that told of the crimes that would be perpetrated against them. The Lynch letters authenticity has been in question recently and the fact that it could possibly be fake is inconsequential. It still has the ability to simply enlighten us to the ways of Black people and those mental disorders we suffer from.
"The Spook Who Sat By The Door"-- This book, written by Sam Greenlee, is valuable to all those interested in seeing the true power that Black America could possess. Not to say that the means used by the main character in this book is the only way for Black people to gain power in this country, but the methodology by which he did it might be. What I feel this movie suggest, is to do as we have been preaching to each other forever, "Each one, Teach one", and "Give back to your community." Meaning, that we should take what we learn at our schools and jobs, and use that to create new opportunities in our own communities. There is also a movie from the same title, but books always have been a more thorough way of passing information.
Without Sanctuary: Lynching Photography in America-- The faces placed on the greatest crime in this countries history will never leave you after opening this book, and they never should. These images are, in my opinion, as important as the one's showing Jesus Christ's crucifixion. That may sound preposterous to some, but without being able to see expressions on the faces of our ancestors, whether that is the role of victim or victimizer, it will not be possible to connect on a human level with this chapter in our history. The same way the movie "The Passion" attempts to show us, visually the suffering Jesus endured on behalf of our souls, these photo's depict those men, women, children, and unborn children's suffering on behalf ideology of some in this country. One will bring you closer to God, and the other closer to Yourself.
The Collective works of Malcolm X-- Malcolm X is an often denigrated, amazingly, Civil Rights leader. His ideas on the use force, contradicted those of Martin Luther King's, as a way of combating the ills of racism, were unwelcome in many social circles during his time. Because of that many of his teachings are put in to one soundbite "By any means necessary". But he was very dynamic and spoke on all issues, most of which affect us to this very day. He primarily attempted to drive us toward, as aPeople, to the idea of self-sufficiency. It is really important that his values be put on display to future generations, because of the fact that they are alternative to the MLK approach which is often praised in this country. Our children will need that information in order to make accurate assessments of how to address this countries social, political and economical ills. Speeches, books and some movies have all accurately depicted his life, and even his change from the more radical ideology of the Nation of Islam, to that which he arrived at late in his young life.
Appreciation of the Black Woman-- Above all the items mentioned in this blog, this has to be the most pivotal. For without women who have been respected, admired, inspired, educated, enlightened, guided, and supported, we will never have a generation to which we can inform of the issues previously stated. Women are the first teachers, and the first loves of our children. They have the power to move a movement, and once we begin to adopt a philosophy and a psychology that recognizes that, we will continue our slow decline, aside from the modest individual gains of a few in our society.

Now, with that all said, I admit that, for the most part these are just my opinions. I also must say that my list is only 5 deep, obviously I have many more things I feel should be carried into the future, but it wouldn't be a pretty site to see everything. Plus "the man" is out there watching. I'm sure drawn into a conversation on it, I would probably expound upon it. So if you want to discuss it more, I'm all ears.

Peace.

Yin Yang

2006-03-02T04:53:00.001-08:00

My daughter is a few weeks old now, and I find that her birth has inspired me to do a lot of quiet reflection. Reflection on the past nine months. Then the whole nine month processes culmination into this end-of-the-beginning, which was pretty euphoric for me. It's so euphoric that it helps me to understand my own desire to have as many children as my body, my wife, and my wallet can.

I remember when my son was born, and how my mind was flooded with things that I couldn't wait to teach him. The ability and responsibility to form and shape his young mind, seemed like an awesome opportunity to "live again" so to speak.

But I digress. Back to my subject of the day. My little princess. Along with the state of euphoria I've been feeling, there is yet another equally powerful depressive feeling that has arisen in me. The yang, to my yin is based in the encounters with women I've met throughout my life.

When I got to college, and began interacting with more women I began to get more and more knowledge about their secret lives. By "secret" I mean the mental and physical suffering some of them had experienced. The stories were so unbelievable to me, to think of all the things a man would do to a woman. And for the most part there was nothing they could do to protect themselves. That incenses me, and at the same time depresses me.

I have to, from jump, adopt a pro-active role, of course, but at the same time there is a sense of hopelessness that I have to accept. I long ago resolved to certain things for my own life (death, wealth, poverty, etc.), but to have to do that for your children is something I wasn't prepared for. It's not something I want to have to do. But I know that I have to for my own sanity.

I think educating myself on the subject will prove to help bring me out into the "light". So, I've decided to go to the library and check out some books on dealing and coping with raising girls. Allah Christmas

But alas in this "Cold, Cold World" we live in, and I'm going to have to remember that.

Peace.

If you have ideas on this please share. Peace.

Yin Yang

2006-03-02T04:53:00.000-08:00

Black and White

2006-02-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

If none of ya'll visited the old WildSeed blog then you might not know of my ever growing love of Black & White photography. well in my brief hiatus i found myself snapping away again. i swear i'm gonna really spend more time looking through the lens. hope ya'll enjoy.

Also, but most definitely most important the newest edition to the Fam... Peace.

Funny Story #2

2006-02-16T07:46:00.000-08:00

So i heard the funniest story in my life the other day!

Okay here goes....

The vice president of the United States... Shot a dude in the FACE with a shotgun! And the funniest part of it all was that the Cops didn't even consider arresting him. Now if that's not funny i don't know what is.

man i was "LOL'n" and "LMAO" all over the place. I almost pee'd on myself after that one.

I don't think i could write a better script than the one that's being played out in this country right now.

Peace

Dating Stories

2006-02-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

I was just reading Brea's blog on here possibly delving into the world of online dating. And that sparked some memories of my experiences with the internet and women, as well as other funny stuff that's happened to me. Like I've said on previous posts, memories are a hard thing to forget. So with that i begin...

Back in 1999, on May 29th a me and female that I had met on collegeclub decided we'd go out. Since my birthday was the next day, and my prospects were looking kinda slim for getting my annual "Birthday Sex", i figured, why not. Now, me and this chic spoke had spoken on the phone a few times prior than this meeting, and she always was talking freaky, and how cute she was, and all the things she would do to and for me. So i knew she'd be 'bout it. So we made our plan and she was to come by the crib, and we go to the movies. Mind you, I never saw a picture of this chic, since this was before digital camera's were big, and u had to actually go scan you photos in for them to be seen. So I never saw her picture, and I really never gave the idea of her looks much thought. I believe my horniness was guiding my actions back then.

So she finally comes by, and I look through the peep hole... and i notice that i can't see all of her in the peep hole... that's wasn't good. After standing there cursing myself for a minute, I opened the door. Now she was cute in the face, for a man of about 145 lbs. she was little too much women for me.

She came in saw the spot, and chilled for a minute. In my head I'm thinking of ways not to go to this movie, but she seemed to really want to make a date out of this. So we eventually left for the movie. I asked her to drive cause i didn't want to be spotted by any of my peoples. I even choose to go to see a bad movie at the $1 theatre.

We went to the show, and came back to the crib afterwards. We chilled on the couch for a bit, and it was funny cause she was trying to see if i was 'bout it. She was talking about the stuff she had promised to give me for my birthday, but I couldn't get my mind or body to go along with the dirty talk. I eventually had to use the "i don't have any protection" lie to shut down the conversation. She then decided to leave, and I... went to sleep.

What i learned from this event... is that when somebody's profile name contains the word "thickness" it's usually not this! Peace.

Maybe the Revolution is being Televised...

2006-02-08T05:48:00.000-08:00

I think I'm beginning to adopt a philosophy similar to my brother. At least on the issue of the brightness of our future.

I have, for a while viewed the future for Black people as a bleak one. One in which we never completely regrasp our Crowns and return to our original position on the world stage. I thought the quote "the meek shall inherit the earth" was a bit dated, and would not hold water against the legions of people who wish to destroy us.

But something my bro said to me is finally starting to make sense. I'm not able to directly quote him, but the gist of it was this, "...Look at T.V. Look at how we dominate sports, how so many young white kids idolize these athletes. See how Michael and Tiger have kids wanting to be them. Look at the music channels. When was the last time you even heard or saw a white group a singer get as much love as Beyonce' or Jay-Z or 50 cent? It's as if white people hardly have a music genre anymore. Rap music is becoming world music.
And because of this, future generations of white kids are gonna see the world through different eyes. They will more likely have listened to, and enjoyed some rap show or have Black friends simply based on "popular culture." So they will more readily empathize with our struggle, rather than with the disdain past generation have viewed us. "

Now, two months or so later, I get it. I can see that vision now, and some other things are making all the sense in the world now. Like Bill O'Reilly's constant bashing of Rap music. He's just trying to appeal to his white audiences' need to put the kibosh on this trend. I could even see the lack of Black programming and the poor production of shows geared towards us on the major networks as further evidence of this theory.

I know some people would say that there is no white conspiracy to undermine the Black population, or white america's acceptance of it. But I tend to disagree, not because I think they are holding weekly meetings on it, but because of nature, and psychology. I learned once that self-preservation is the driving force for people's actions. So with that in mind, it is natural for someone, especially in a position of power, to do what ever is necessary to preserve their way of life.

So to quote the old "Scorpion and the Frog" fable by Aesop, "I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Let me know what ya'll think. Peace.

I Wish

2006-02-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

You know, I wish I didn't know when the first of February was.

Our societies terrible attempt at trying to seamlessly blend in African-centered programming for 28 days, is so see-thru that I almost want to laugh.

Whats just as bad is BET has followed the same path as other channels.

Music Tag

2006-02-01T09:01:00.000-08:00

1) A favorite political track.
Beef – Mos Def

with lines like, “beef is not was Jay said to Nas/ Beef is when the workin’ folks can’t find jobs…”

2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what.
Peanut Butter Jelly Time – Buckwheat Boys

yeah i’m a Floridian… What?

3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them.
Nothing Even Matters – Lauryn Hill ft. D’angelo

this song describes how love should feel. “These buildings could drift out to sea/ Some natural catastrophe/Still there’s no place I’d rather be/cause nothing even matters to me”.

4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze it’s lyrics.
Welcome to Jamrock – Damien Marley

The whole song is worth analyzing, but these lines are some of my favorites. “Come on let's face it, a ghetto education's basic/ A most a the youths them waste it/ And when they waste it/ that's when they take the guns and replace it”

5) A song that you like, that a two year old would like as well.
Just to get by – Talib Kweli

I caught my son singing this at 2, so I guess it works.

6) A song that gives you an energy boost.
Kryptonite (I be on it) – Purple Ribbon Allstars

I could be in REM sleep at 2 a.m., and if this came on I’d jump and do my head nod.

7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like.
Anything from B.B. King

I’m a Mississippi boy at heart.

8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now.
It ain’t hard to tell – Nas

Self explanatory

9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life.
Never can say goodbye – Jackson 5

couple of years in there during some relationships. For some reasons my sad times are always came during relationships.

10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life.
Umi Says – Mos Def

”my umi says shine your light on the world/ shine your light for the world to see.”

11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked.
The man in black – Jonny Cash

my favorite lines in the song are “I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down/ Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town/ I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime/ But is there because he's a victim of the times.” And the last line “'Til things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black”

12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born.
Step into a world – KRS-One

"Step into a world, where hip-hop is me..."

13) A favorite artist duo collaboration.
BlackStar album

14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally,
commonsenically, religiously etc.)
give me that p---y – Lil Webbie

first of all… how does this song get on the radio?? And what is up with lines like… damn, I can’t even isolate a line. Song Lyrics . They are all borderline “rape” lines. Definitely not a Dirty South song I can feel.

15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points
every time you listen to it.
”if it's too stupid, i ain't listening to it”- Nikki. I agree with that.

16) Your smooth song, for relaxing.
This is a Mans World- James Brown

this song has been sucessful lately at mellowing me out.

17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at.
Threats – Jay Z

”Put that knife in ya/ take a little bit of life from ya”. That’s whats up.

18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group.”
Vocab - Fugees

The beginning of my love for Lauryn's rhyme skills.

19) A song that makes you reminsce about good times with a family member.
Don’t remember the songs names, but when my brother I could first club together, we had a dance to it.

20) Your favorite song at this moment in time.
I put a spell on you – Nina Simone

It just puts me to sleep.

Ten Lines response.

2006-01-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

It took One second for me to
Have visions of us Two
Meeting on Three planes of thought
Sharing Four-play
While screaming the Five syllables of your name
With my Six senses enthralled by
Seven soft kisses placed
On my Eight sweet spots
Sending me to cloud Nine.

All this from Ten feet away.

Peace

Untitled...pt. 3 the conclusion.

2006-01-25T16:24:00.000-08:00

Okay... the big finish.

Well that night, after spending the whole day with Amber, and rushing up to be with my girlfriend was a trip. Not just with distance, but emotionally as well. There was a War brewing inside of me, the Heart and Mind had failed at coexistence. This war began to spill out on to the streets of my tongue, my actions, and my eyes. I'm not sure if my girlfriend saw this, but I felt as though it was as visible as the images from the the war in Iraq. Only my war had to end, for the only casualty would be me.

As the day turned to night, and we laid on the bed, I began to talk. Not about Amber, but moreso about my feelings. I weaved a tale that was partially of the mind, and partially of the heart. As a whole, it probably didn't make sense. I remember saying things like "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" and "sometimes I think I love you and can be with you forever, but sometimes I feel like I need time to myself." I'm sure to her none of what I said made much sense, but the tone of my speech painted the picture my word could not.

I only knew this as she began to cry. I had never made her cry before. I wished I could take back my words, but I couldn't it. Well I could say I didn't mean it, but like I said earlier, memories are hard the to lose. It was as those first tears fell, cutting a path down her cheek that my Heart began to loosen its strangle-hold on my Brain. I began to see what I was letting myself do to another person, a person I said I loved. I tried retracting some of my statements but the damage had been done. This would possibly be our last night together.

We laid there, holding each other as if we were attempting to keep warm in sub-zero weather, each of us wanting to give the other all the heat in our body, wanting to see them survive more than ourself. We fell asleep that way, and woke up that way.

The next day we knew what had to happen. I was gonna have to pack my close up and leave. So that's what I did. I no longer attempted to explain away my words of the night before, I only hugged her, and left.

I had decided to leave, leave Atlanta, and just go back home. My internal Civil War had again resembled the Iraq war, in the way that there will be no winner. All that had happened left me fatigued. I couldn't stand to be in the city any longer. Given my mental connection, Amber would likely see through me and I couldn't go through a repeat of the night before. I figured I would speak to them both when I got home.

It was days before I would contact either woman. I needed some time with myself, I had spent myself more than initially thought. My, now, ex-girlfriend had called my parents to find out about me, she had been concerned after not hearing from me. I eventually called her, we talked but the tension so thick that it made it to awkward to stay on the phone for very long.

And as for Amber, my feelings for her had frustrated me. I began to resent her, for where she had taken me to, mentally. I decided to cut it off, cold-turkey. Unfortunately that approach had sent me through withdrawal. I began with denial of her importance to me, I then moved onto mental and spiritual deterioration, followed by a reawakening in me. I finally reached the other side of the tunnel, acceptance of my actions.

With acceptance in hand I felt I had one last step to take, asking for forgiveness, and the chance to a fresh start with Amber. So I picked up pad and pen, and asked them to help release my thoughts. In the end we had created the most eloquent letter I had ever written, it must have been 4 or 5 pages long. But, in the end all it really described was my indiscretion, my lies, and my conniving ways, but it was written so well how could you stay mad? Easily I guess.

Days later my letter returned to me. I guess telling the truth, sometimes only gets you freedom.

Weeks later my now ex-girlfriend's internship ended and she returned back to school. Days later, we were dating again. I guess sometimes the shoe just fits you to good to let it go, no matter how many holes it has, or how beat up it is. I didn't tell her anything of Amber, but I promised myself I would if we ever decided to get married.

My girlfriend never heard the name Amber. And I never heard from Amber. Years later I would meet my wife, and move to Atlanta for work. Coincidentally, my job is less than a mile away from where Amber lived when I visited.

I've driven by once or twice. But it not on my path. Peace.

Untitled... Pt. 2

2006-01-25T05:07:00.000-08:00

When I left off yesterday's posting you saw our star at the proverbial fork in the road. Having to either follow the path one, that I knew and recognized. Which was the path that I had traveled on for a while, now. I knew my limits on this path, I knew that all these affairs were only affairs of the body, not of the mind and spirit. Temporary boosts to a man self-esteem. I also knew that I could never have more than the occasional romp, with any of them. On this path I had convinced myself that I had already chosen my wife, all these "youthful indescretions" would not distract me from that goal.

Or, path two. This path seemed so bright, as though it had it's own Star. It looked like it had four paved lanes on which to travel. It appeared to be "new". "New," it was a word that conjured up infinite possibilities, or better yet, infinitely great possibilities. I felt enlightened just by thought of this path, a feeling that had been missing inside of me. Overjoyed with it's potential rewards. This could be my utopia.

Now let us continue...

5 days left. The idea of only having five days available to both, love and lose love, felt torturous. I felt cheated, not just by time, but also by circumstance.

The win' up tones of reggae music played the soundtrack to our night. My existing relationship was, at that point in time, doing just that, existing. I wasn't living in it. I was living in a moment, something my rigid, and analytical nature had never allowed me to do before. I was at a place in my Mind that I hadn't visited before, it euphoric. I was so "out" that thoughts of marriage entered my head. But like great things, this night had to end.

It was close to closing time. I had looked at my watch at times during the night, as though I were counting down the inevitable. I, soon began to fall back into my analyzing state. Weighing the options, that this night had availed me. My Mind fought my Heart's attempt to be involved in the decision making process. It became a battle of reason versus feeling, and after minutes, which felt like hours or days of internal conflict, the Heart had won.

We exchanged numbers, as well as kisses. Kissing at the club, especially someone you just met, had been forbidden act in my mind. But this was a person I had known my whole life, metaphysically speaking.

The next day we spoke on the phone, our conversation came as effortlessly as the previous nights kiss had. We discussed our schedules for the upcoming week, and when we would have to time to see each other. As though God had wanted to conduct some sort of cruel experiment on human nature, we discovered our times synched up perfectly. This was rare given that I typically worked nights at my job at the Gas Station, but due to a recent firing, I had be asked to work the day shift. Allowing us most of the evenings to enjoy each others company.

Our evening consisted of me picking her up from her dorms, and us visiting various spots around the city. I moved around the city as though I didn't have a girlfriend, or as if Tallahassee wasn't a small enough city for me to bump into the wrong (girlfriends girl-friends) people. I didn't care though, I was "in love." We would spend our nights by my apartment, discussing any thing from high-fructose corn syrup to places we wanted to visit. But we never talked about Friday.

Friday would be the day she would be leaving me and returning to Atlanta. And although we were only 5 hours apart, to a broke college student with a fickle car, we might as well have 5 states apart.

But in the meantime we enjoyed our moments together. She stayed the night every night, but not once did either of us feel pressured, or pressure each other to consumate our relationship by engaging in sex. Just the act of being together had satisfied that need in my 22 year old body.

I would speak to my girlfriend during the day, primarily while at work. Being that she was in Atlanta and that it was a time before cell phones were popular, so a lot of checking up of my whereabouts wasn't possible. Though, I probably would've found ways around her, even if she were in town.

Thursday came, and we both knew the would quite possibly be our last night together. We still acted as though she lived 5 miles away, exchanging addresses, phone numbers, and directions, as though we intended to see each other on Saturday. We were still living on Fantasy Island, oblivious to the truth. The truth that I still had 2 years of school left, that she had some difficult semesters of law school to complete, and that long distance relationships don't work. But we went through the "this isn't good-bye" motions anyways.

The climax....

So my "new" love had come and gone, and I was feeling everything my Mind had told my Heart it would feel. We spoke on the phone, still overly optimistic about what our future could hold. I had slowly returned back to my usual self, but with a greater degree of consciousness about certain things, which I attribute to my week in Bliss. My relationship with my girlfriend had never skipped a beat. I was good at that, living in two places at once, maybe it's the Gemini in me. I was somehow able to walk both paths at once. A couple of weeks later, I even made plans to travel to Atlanta to go see "them".

I had tried hard to shake of the heavy aroma of a love and life that I could never have. But I couldn't, it was now apart of my memories, and for years I had tried to "lose memories" that had no use for, or that pained me to think of.

I traveled to Atlanta soon after. I had been invited up by my girlfriend, and I probably could have gotten around not seeing my "new" love, but it seemed as though the closer I got to the city, the more my Heart beat to a rhythm. A rhythm that seemed to be sort of a Morse Code..... A.m-b-e.r.... My Mind had not been prepared for this and had to succumb.

I then became frazzled, if thats a word, operating only on emotion, which is never a good thing. I contacted Amber as soon as I came in town. I had to see her, and since she lived on the south side of town, it would be easy to see her on my way up to the northside of town where my girlfriend was living.

Make sense, right? Not really, because I was supposed to meet my girlfriend after she got off work so that we could go to Six Flags with some of her co-workers. And me not giving the consideration to distance or traffic, I was destined to be late. But when I got to Amber's apartment I threw all that out of the window.

I was back on my drug of choice. And like when on most drugs, time just floated by, I forgot all my problems and responsibilities, and also, did whatever I could to stay "high". Amber and I drove around parts of Atlanta, went to a Jamaican restaurant, by the M. L. King Center, Olympic Park. It was close to 5 p.m. before I realized that I needed to start leaving to prepare for my 6:30 p.m. meeting time. It wasn't until 5:45 that I left. I just couldn't pull myself away.

With traffic and the rush hour commute, it was 7:30 p.m. before I got where I needed to be, much later than I should've been. Needless to say, we didn't get to go to Six Flags. Luckily I had a Sister that lived in town that I could blame for my tardiness. We decided to stay in for the night, and although physically in Kennesaw, my Heart was in College Park. And at some point that night, I decided I couldn't walk on these paths anymore...

** This story is much longer than I intended and I still have a bit left to share. I know I stated that a conclusion would be drawn today, but didn't expect all of this. I promise to finish by later today. Peace. **

Untitled...

2006-01-24T07:16:00.000-08:00

Back to the land of the living.
I'm back after a week off, after trying to get re-centered.

Now, *cracking my knuckles* what shall I write on today? Hmm............., Oh.

Spiritual connectivity. Let me find an inspiration piece.... Okay. I'm ready.

In my life...*scratch that* Let me see how to begin...

Backstory.

Back when I was in college I dated this female, who was physically everything a guy could ask for in a woman. We dated for 2 years and had a really good "physical" relationship, and a pretty good relationship overall. I did love her, and felt that we could have a long and happy life together.

But in the midst of those 2 years, I did have a few indescretion. Mostly because I could, or because I liked being wanted by other women aside from my girlfriend (self-esteem issues). So these indescretions were mostly chics I met somewhere, neither I nor them were interested in real relationships. I would usually meet them at a club, and just start talking to them on the dance floor. I usually didn't ask for phone numbers, but sometimes I did for the heck of it. A very small percentage of them, would I actually pursue more with, though.

Well somewhere around the beginning of year 2, my then girlfriend got an internship up in Atlanta. So I was free to roam the Tallahassee countryside looking for chics. (I admit I was a bad boyfriend at times, but trust me I'm not that bad as a husband.) One fateful day I went out, I believe by myself, since my homeboys had gone home that summer. Anyways, I go to this reggae spot, and have my eye caught by this PYT with locs doing her thing on the dancefloor. At the time I was into Locs, so most chics with them attracted me. So I drop into my "mack" mode and go and start dancing with her. We begin talking and dancin', smilin' and dancin', wipin' sweat off each other and still dancin'.

Through conversation I find out that she's from Atlanta, a law school student taking classes a FSU. It was probably the most I'd ever conversed with a female in the club at one time. We basically talk and danced together all night. I was excited. Here was the woman I had written about in my journal; here lips, her style, her energy, her mentality.

She was right there! And where was I?

In a "loving" relationship. Not a good place to be when find a soulmate.

I would find out later that night that she was only here for a one week seminar... and it was her first day in town. So, I'd have 5 days.

Will VerseOne leave his physically strong relationship for a mental one?
Will he take the chance of starting something that can't be finished?
Will the fact that his girlfriend is interning in Atlanta, and the PYT is visiting from Atlanta come in to play?
VerseOne now lives in Atlanta with his wife, who has Locs, is that a coincidence?

Tune in tomorrow....

Peace.

"Lift Every Voice And Sing..."---- James Weldon Johnson

2006-01-18T11:23:00.000-08:00

"Lift ev'ry voice and sing,
Till earth and heaven ring.
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;"

The other day I was blog surfing, and I came across that of a blogger TeacherTori who had asked the question "why is there a Black National Anthem" (Lift Every Voice And Sing). So I decided to respond to her question, and I've decided to share it with ya'll. (Kinda long but definately worth the read... i think, anyways).

TeacherTori: …We have no "Korean American National Anthem", "Italian American National Anthem," or "German American National Anthem"....why a black one? We are not in segregated times anymore, and the majority of Americans alive today do not remember those horrible times so many years ago. I guess my beef is calling it the "Black National Anthem." I understand its purpose during the years when blacks were not given the same rights as other Americans, but the Civil Rights Act remedied that. I understand there will always be racists out there, but no need to add fuel to the fire. I think "Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing" is a beautiful name.

VerseOne: Tori, I appreciate you asking this question, as well as, those who share your idea. But the title is more to reach African Americans than to appease others.I mean, think about it alternate titles are given to events, songs and people all the time, but most people don't question them. For example... Holocaust. Now you ask any person what the word means, and I'm sure it's related to Nazi Germany. Even though there have been several holocaust in the history of the world, including the number of slaves that died as a result of the slavery related events."Peculiar Institution". The American History book for slavery.The name means nothing to those who appreciate the message of the song. Black nationalism (meaning the love for yourself as black people, and the fight for there equality) is needed in this country so why wouldn't a rallying call be necessary to help us keep our "eyes on the prize", so to speak?And finally the reason "the majority of Americans alive today do not remember those horrible times so many years ago." is because the history books omitted it.Peace.

"Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on till victory is won."

TT: What do you mean by "reaching African Americans"? I am a teacher and after I read what you said I looked at textbooks and there was a lot of information on slavery and black culture period. Maybe not a few decades ago but these kids are being very educated on history.

VO: Maybe in recent textbooks. But I was in primary school 10-15 years ago and our coverage of black history was sparing.When I say to "reach african americans", I mean just that. In order to gain understanding of your culture or heritage, there is a need for methods to do so. Kwanzaa for example. It is in essence a celebration of our culture and also a ritual by which we can learn more about our origins. Same with Black History Month. They are used to bring awareness. Just like the AIDS walk, or MS Telethon. Where people affected by these illnesses campaign on their behalf. These songs or rituals bring awareness to those people might want to become more aware. Those who tend to want a greater sense of awareness happen to Black people in this case.So the song is just like any other song of affirmation, it has it's targeted audience and aims for them. Gospel songs aren't aimed at Muslims, so should the Muslim be mad for gospel music not being all encompassing, or viceversa?

I haven't heard anything back from her, but i'll let ya'll know. I'm curious to know what everyone else thinks about this. Please share your opinions.

"Out from the gloomy past,
Till now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast."

Here are some people from TeacherTori's comments section opinion:

FetchingJen---"The only thing that irritates me about labeling the song as "Black" National Anthem IS the label. Why is it njecessary if it is about and for blacks? The National Anthem is for all Americans, not just the white ones... "
Eddie---"Hey, if someone thinks they have their own something or other, I have no problem with it. Let them play make believe, and I will join the millions of other Americans who love the star spangled banner."
Stuffle---"It is the calling the song a "Black National Anthem", as if blacks and whites are supposed to have different national anthems, that is the problem. "

"May we forever stand,
True to our God,
True to our native land."

Peace.

2006-01-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Old pic of my Son, bro, and me with locs.

2006-01-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

My Son, Nephews, and I at the Atlanta aquarium.

"Mic check...1, 2, testing..."

2006-01-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

Mic checks. This topic came to me after reading some other blogs in recent days, and some of my own reflections of college life.

The thought of getting your mic checked initially grew out of the rumors, and tales that spread through most high schools. There is always alleged incidents of girls checkin' some dude on the bus, or in the dugouts on the baseball field, or the back of the class during a film strip. Mostly these were rumors and locker room stories, but the act intrigued me nonetheless.

I was primarily intrigued because, even though I was no longer a virgin, the thought that my enjoyment of a sexual act was dependent upon the knowledge, skills and abilities of the chic performing it, was like heaven(to a 15 year old kid). I could actually just sit/stand/lay there and just enjoy. It was like your birthday or something, getting a present without having to recipricate (well not back then anyways).

"Mig-gity microphone masters..."

So what did I do? I began actively persuing those chics who were known to dabble in the felatiotic (i'm sure i just made that word up) arts. And those chics who had "DSL's, that would make a nigga dick swell." But to no avail. Although I did smash several of them, I wasn't getting the mic check.

It wasn't until senior year high school that I got my first lick on the tip, and that was the greatest 2.5 seconds of my young adult life.

I also had a complex that I discovered shortly after those 2.5 seconds... I don't think I want to kiss a chic who gives head. Funny now. Serious then.

I left high school, got to college and eventually dated. Now my first girlfriend, who had the "DSL's" i mentioned earlier had never "gone down" on a dude before, which i believed. So I began thinking that my chances of ever getting "mine" were close to zero. I even began "taking a trip downtown" just to increase my odds. Funny now. Serious then.

But all my waiting, my 8 years of sexual activeness without orals drought, my subtle suggestions, and guilt trips ended. One early morning the weekend before Final exams my life was changed for the better. I recieved at that point my greatest gift of all. It was definately all that I had hoped. Happy Birthday to Me!

Peace.

"...Microphone checka, one two checka" --- Das EFX

(oh yeah. chic in the photo. i don't know her, and i apologize if you are offended by the use of your picture for purposes of discussion.)